Kocktail Hour!

Cyrus - A Review

2011-09-29T03:22:00.004-04:00

So I just finished watching Cyrus, starring John C Reilly, Jonah Hill, and Marissa Tomei. Great cast, right? The conceit is easy enough to size up; a man meets a woman he connects with, they start to get serious but she's hiding something... her son Cyrus. He's close to his mother in a way that feels... odd. We don't really know why it's weird but the film makes it clear for us. If you looked at this one and thought you knew how it ended, you're right. If you thought the journey would be insightful and emotional; about how a son and mother could get so close that the son would go out of his way to psychotically and systematically destroy his mother's happiness with another man; if you thought there would be any reason why a man wouldn't tell his girlfriend the incredibly creepy things her son said to him, in this movie, you'd be wrong. You'd be wrong on all counts. And that's unfortunate because this is fertile ground to explore the dysfunctional relationships of adult parents and children in the wake of divorce. What happens when the abandoned child gets older? How do the dynamics change? What happens when a mother is single for a decade and starts dating, finally, after all that Time alone with the now adult child? This movie is concerned with none of this. Instead it explores, and superficially at that, the relationship between the new boyfriend and the jilted (?) son. It all boils down to a mildly entertaining farce during which I had to keep forgiving the ridiculous choices of the characters until it all gets wrapped up in a very unsatisfying bow. And roll credits.
The writing is good, if light handed. The story is interesting, if unexplored. The acting is beyond reproach; look at the stellar cast! Reilly, Hill, Tomei! They all did a great job with a script in which they must've seen a lot of potential. Sadly, that potential is not reached.
I wanted to like this movie. I think Jonah Hill is so promising, moreso after seeing this because he expands his range, but I was disappointed by the writing. This movie offered no insight into the central idea.
What would happen if, after a decade of co-dependence, your mother started dating and you weren't ready? I'm not looking for a Freudian tutorial but I'd at least like my intelligence to be respected.

The DVD is currently available. Feel free to tell me what you think.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes -A Review

2011-09-03T22:21:00.004-04:00

I just finished watching this flick and I have to say, I'm surprised by how thoughtful and, even emotional it was. Damned if I didn't tear up at the end! I really liked this one, so much so that I came out of the void to write my first review in months. You're welcome, world. lol

THE POOP:
James Franco plays scientist Will, a brain doctor testing a new drug meant to cure Alzheimer's disease on monkeys. The drug proves to be so successful that it's main test subject, a chimp called Bright Eyes, gains near-human intelligence. However during a board meeting with potential investors in the miracle drug Bright Eyes goes on a rampage and testing is effectively shut down. When its discovered that Bright Eyes had secretly given birth days earlier Dr. Will saves the baby chimp by taking it home and raising it for study purposes. He soon realizes that the baby, named Caeser, has inherited his mother's intelligence and continues to develop at an incredible pace; so much so that eight years later Caeser is caring for Will's elderly father, himself an Alzheimer's patient. Unfortunately, as Will's girlfriend Caroline (Frieda Pinto) points out, Caeser is soon going to grow into a big strong ape, and when he finally does... well, let's just say an unfortunate misunderstanding with a mean-spirited neighbour gets Caeser locked up in an ape sanctuary, which in this film is not unlike an insane asylum, especially for the super-intelligent Caeser. Faced for the first time with his own kind he quickly begins plotting a liberation for himself and his soon-to-be much smarter captives. Of course this all builds to a thrilling and visually breathtaking conclusion that left me moist eyed and adrenaline rushed.

THE REVIEW:
Franco is fast becoming one of my favourite actors, which is somewhat a surprise since I knew almost nothing about his work pre-Spiderman. His performances in Pineapple Express and, more notably, 127 Hours, have shown that this guy is a serious actor. Unfortunately he's kind've expendable here. Yes he's good, believable, etc., but the real star of the movie is Andy Serkis (Gollum, King Kong) as Caeser. No, Serkis didn't don an ape suit, he provided the motion capture upon which was layered the ape, and the ape is spectacular! Advances in SFX mean that surprisingly no actual apes were needed. Instead Serkis and others endowed their monkey avatars with souls and real, tangible emotions. Caeser is an incredible character and Serkis has proven himself the go-to guy when you want a realistic non-human actor. An odd niche, but it seems to be working for him.
Frieda Pinto is engaging as Will's girlfriend, whose character serves to remind us that the humans have souls too, lest we forget. She's the picture of evolved civility as a counterpoint to the apes' newfound evolution. She's kind and gentle and patient; Caeser and his cohorts are smart but confused and frightened. They don't yet know what to do with their intelligence, they just know they have to do something!
Director Rupert Wyatt (The Escapist) delivers a visually and emotionally compelling film, and quite smartly keeps the focus on Caeser's emotional development, which drives the entire plot. He has hinted several times that this could be not just a prequel to the original 1968 Planet of the Apes, but a reboot of the franchise, which could see a second installment of a post-prequel involving all out war between the humans and the apes. Hell, I'll watch it!
The pace of the film is fast as is the plot development. I was fully involved at all times whether there was action or not, and there usually was.
I have to say this was a pleasant surprise. The action was good, the story was good and it turned out to be better than just a B movie. This could've gone wrong sooo many ways, but the creators did the almost impossible; resisted the temptation of a brainless blockbuster for a genuinely solid film.
Tim Burton's 2001 remake of the original must be crying in a corner somewhere. What? A movie that can cry? Andy Serkis could play that!

The Rite - A Review

2011-04-23T23:57:00.003-04:00

Having just screened The Rite I must disagree with a lot of the critics out there who compared it unfavourably to The Exorcist. In that context their criticisms are true; it's dull, it's slow, not enough supernatural sfx. They're right. The Rite doesn't use a bunch of crazy visuals to convince you of the reality of possession. They don't need to. The story is convincing enough. It's based on a book written by Matt Baglio who apprenticed an american priest in Rome learning how to perform exorcisms. He was a passive witness to over twenty exorcisms and based the book on his experiences. Baglio called the film, "very accurate". Odd that the filmmakers didn't include a 'Based on a true story' title in the opening credits. But then, as Baglio also notes, the filmmakers "took licence".

THE POOP: Michael (newcomer Colin O'Donoghue) has entered the seminary and soon finds he has doubts about his faith. A lifelong atheist, he throws himself into religion to honour his dead mother and get a free college education, rather than follow the family business of becoming a mortician like his defeated father. Although he excels in his studies he ultimately decides to quit, until a respected priest at the school convinces him that studying exorcism in Rome will shore up his faith. Reluctantly Michael accepts and he's off to Rome. Being forewarned that "the american" is a reluctant believer Michael is introduced to Father Lucas (Anthony Hopkins), a seasoned exorcist and (as is often pointed out) unorthodox priest. He tries to show Michael the reality of exorcism and it's importance to the church, but Michael remains a skeptic. Then, in a true test of his beliefs, Michael is forced to confront his own belief system: god or science.

THE REVIEW: Despite his lacklustre reviews (due, I think, to the low general opinion of the film) lead Colin O'Donoghue is very effective as the doubting priest wanna-or-not-wannabe. He brings a solemn and thoughtful air to the otherwise fantastic subject matter. Anthony Hopkins is typically brilliant whether he's performing an exorcism or shooing away cats. "Rome", he tells us, "is overrun with cats". Supporting actors are all fine, with an interesting cameo by an aging Rutger Hauer as Michael's father and a solid supporting job by Alice Braga as Angelina. The film itself is beautiful to look at. Directed by Mikael Hafstrom (of 1408), you can tell he chose his crew well. All in all it's a good exercise in scary religious movie. I think part of the reason it didn't do well at the box office is that it was marketed as a horror and audiences (and critics) were disappointed. This is the story of a young man deciding his life path. It just so happens that his life path involves demons and devils. Think about this film as if it was about an accountant. Accountants are important in our society. Arguably more important than exorcists. But if someone made a movie about an accountant who didn't know if accounting was his true calling would you watch it? His struggle over whether he was a 'numbers guy' or would rather just not know how it all happened? Michael is like that with exorcisms, and he learns a big lesson. And that's waaaay more fun to watch. I like this film, despite the reviews of many, except for my man Roger Ebert, who said "I found myself drawn in. It is sincere. It is not exploitative; a certain amount of screaming, frothing and thrashing comes with the territory". It IS sincere. Maybe too much so. I can think of a few directions it could've gone to be more interesting but ultimately it's a good, solid religious thriller; NOT a horror film.

The Rite is currently in theatres. It will be available for rent or sale on May 17.

Somewhere - A Review

2011-03-30T00:41:00.002-04:00

Let me start by saying that Sofia Coppola is a genius. She is the future of film. She has singlehandedly redefined what we watch and I love it. Her gift for storytelling is otherworldly, and her ability to capture it on film is prodigious. Her forth major motion picture is perhaps less ambitious than her previous three, but it is no less heartfelt and enigmatic.

The Poop: Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is an actor promoting his latest film. He's also a drunken womanizer. Cleo (Elle Fanning) is his daughter who gets left with Johnny when her mother disappears. Never having had a close relationship before, the two get close and bond over the course of time it takes until she's due at camp. When she goes to camp Johnny must reexamine his life.

The Review: The direction is the exciting thing about this film and it doesn't dissapoint! Sofia Coppola has an incredible capacity for making the mundane fascinating. The opening scenes of Johnnie's car doing laps is mesmerizing! She has a talent for making anything interesting. Stephen Dorff is dusted off and starred in this film and he does a good job, although you could credit his performance to the director. It seems he does what he's told. Elle Fanning is Cloe, the daughter. She too is good but you wonder how much is talent and how much is writing and directing. An odd surprise is Chris Pontius (Jackass) as a friend of Johnny. He was effective as the friend of an adult who had to entertain a child. Borderline creepy without being creepy.

If I had a criticism it would be that I didn't hear enough from the characters; but then in real life people rarely speak their minds. I think Sofia captured peoples inability to say what they feel. When's the last time you told your best friend how much you love them? Exactly.

I think Sofia is defining a new way of telling stories. Say less, let the audience use their brain, keep the story clean and tight. It's minimalism reimagined. I like it. Keep it coming, Sofia!

Available for rent on DVD and Blu Ray on April 19th.

The War of the Roses (1989)- A Really Retro Review

2011-03-29T01:15:00.006-04:00

I saw this movie for the first time I think when it came out on video in 1989. Surprisingly the DVD didn't hit until 2001! Shocking, considering how good it was. If you aren't familiar with this film I direct your attention to 2005's Mr. and Mrs. Smith., starring Brad and Angelina. If you saw it you know it was about a couple of spies who don't know each other is married to a spy and when they discover they are meant to kill each other they rediscover their love in, what Chief Wiggum of The Simpsons called in their parody of said film, "an elaborately choreographed, high-octane super-fight". We were meant to see the passion of two people who decided to separate played out in the extreme. Brad and Angie's characters wanted to kill each other. No shit. They had guns and bombs up the wazoo. But eventually they decide to come together and realize they never hated each other, they were just doing their jobs. That's the modern way. That's Hollywood. Way back in 1989 Danny DeVito directed a dark comedy called War of the Roses and he pushed every button available for pushing. He took the concept of a married couple in the process of divorce trying to destroy each other to levels that, at the time, made many reviewers uncomfortable. The great Roger Ebert at the time said, "It's to the credit of DeVito and his co-stars they they were willing to go that far, but maybe it shows more courage than wisdom." A very tepid review. I'd love to hear his opinion now in this day of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. The thing about this film is not the extremes to which they go, but the emotion behind each and every move made. There's a clear sense that the characters feel something, especially the wife. I wonder why that is. I'll ask Danny DeVito. The Poop: Oliver and Barbara are young lovers who marry and start an ideal life. As Oliver's star rises at his law firm, Barbara wonders how to continue filling their home with pretty things. He is work obsessed, she feels unfulfilled. Eventually and inevitably they must divorce. Neither of the two want to surrender ownership of their home so they attempt to live together, but this turns out to be a bad idea. Like, on the level of asking your bully not to punch you between 2:30 and 3:00 because you have an accordian lesson. It's bad. A war ensues and they torture each other in the most extreme ways they can imagine. The Review: This film is called a dark comedy, but it almost plays like a thriller. It's so dark Wesley Snipes looks white. Ahh stereotypes. Ironically this film looks at a typical white upper-class relationship and shows the hurt and hate that can come in a divorce. The film is based on a novel of the same name and is largely considered a cult hit. Michael Douglas is sympathetically asshole-ish as Oliver, and Kathleen Turner is bitchily brilliant as the regretful wife, Barbara. Danny DeVito directs with an ambitious interest in angles and POV shots. Interesting for an indulgent filmmaker but ultimately not distracting. I liked it, and I hope you'll give it a chance because it's an example of the kind of movie that no big studio would ever make again. You'd have to search for this one nowadays. War of the Roses is a great example of filmaking when it wasn't so politically correct. See it!

Skyline - A DVD Review

2011-03-26T02:39:00.008-04:00

I remember seeing these trailers and thinking, "Damn! I wanna see this one!". And before you could say, "War of the genres" the trailers for Battle: Los Angeles started hitting. And that was it. I forgot about Skyline and like a Pavlovian dog distracted I put my money on B:LA. Apparently so did everyone else. Unfortunately Skylines' loss in momentum was followed by (or perhaps B:LA should be thankful for) the critics total dismissal of Skyline as derivative, storyless dreck with only decent sfx.
Well, let me put this as I see it: I saw both films. SkyL was released first, B:LA was second. They are two completely different films. Where SkyL (I'm just tired of typing the entire name every two seconds!) was an 'invasion/what do we do' film, B:LA was a 'How do we solve this with military tactics' film. Two different approaches. I liked them both, but I'm reviewing SkyL here, but I think the comparison is valid given they both hyped at the same time and one overtook the others audience, but I think theres audience enough for both. I also brought it up because of the critics' reactions to each film which I think has a lot to do with the marketing dates and releases. SkyL was brutalised by critics, B:LA was only soundly slapped on the wrist. I think they both have strengths and weaknesses and I'll try telling you about Skylines' now.

The Poop:
Skyline (directed by the Brothers Strause; newbies) sees Jarrod (Eric Balfour; Six Feet Under), and Elaine (Scottie Thompson; Star Trek 2009) as a couple visiting a friend in L.A. After a night of partying they find the city of angels is under attack by an alien force. The aliens trap humans by capturing their gaze in a beautiful white light (like dying?) and then suck them up to their spaceships to harvest their brains. Why? Apparently it's not important. Elaine is pregnant and doesn't want to run for it over the water, but Jarrod does. Should they? Shouldn't they? That doesn't matter either. So you might ask; do they or don't they? Do they run? Do they escape? Do they make it or do they succumb? IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! The thing is we're supposed to just turn off our brains and go along for the ride. In fact, that's the best advice I can give you; just shut off and enjoy. What did they say in the 60's? Tune in, turn on, drop out. And guess what? Sometimes that's enough for an action flick!

The Review:
The story was bare minimum, the acting was just fine, the action was pretty darned good and the special effects were way better then expected! Yes, it was very derivative: I felt heavy shades of the recent War of the Worlds remake during; and yes it was aimless in that it had no real story, but I think it was trying to be visceral and guide by the action, which I think it did just fine.
Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather see an alien invasion movie give me WAY more bang, but if I have to settle and I've seen them all and I want a mindless alien flick then I'd be hard-pressed to find one this good. And hey, if you can't get into it, (and I find it hard to believe you can't just let go for an hour-and-a-half!) then you'd be surprised how fast it flings by. I enjoyed it!

I recommend Skyline for those who want to enjoy a matinee B-movie invasion flick without having to be embarrassed if someone catches you watching.
It's out now on DVD and Blu-ray. (why is the 'r' lower-case?)

Devil -A DVD Review

2011-03-22T03:27:00.004-04:00

This movie intrigued me for a few reasons. M Night Shyamalan came up with the story, but didn't write the screenplay. M Night Shyamalan produced it, but didn't direct it. Interesting. But mostly I like a simple concept in a thriller that uses atmosphere and tension over cheap shocks and special effects. Devil may not be the best thriller out there, but it does a nice job of being creepy, atmospheric and fun.

The Poop: Five people enter an elevator, seemingly by chance. I mean, it was by chance wasn't it? Not if you believe that people decide they're own fate by their actions, a message delivered in the beginning of the film by the hero's AA sponsor, the hero being Detective Bowden (Dan Messina), a former alcoholic as a result of the death of his wife and son from a hit-and-run. Bowden is investigating a suicide at the office building of the aforementioned elevator when the occupants of said elevator become stuck between floors. As the elevator power flickers and the lights intermittently go off people begin to die in the darkness. The lights go off, someone dies, the lights come back on, we have another dead body and everyone suspects everyone else. Detective Bowden has the unenviable task of trying to gain access to the elevator while also trying to learn about the passengers, all of whom have questionable pasts. The Devil is on that elevator and we want to know who it is.

The Review: Devil is well written and well acted. The tension is amped up from the opening credits which features a flyover above Philadelphia shown upside-down, a nod to the contrariness of the Devil. It's a clever and effective credit roll. I was immediately sucked into the film looking at the inverted cityscape and the feeling of otherwordlyness it evoked. It might be one of the best films M Night never made. Thanks to the simplicity of the conceit we don't have to worry too much about character development. They're mostly 'types'; The cranky old lady, the young chilly lady, the tough but lovable security guard, the sleazy salesman, and the dark loner. They do their thing effectively and die on cue (most of them...) and they keep things moving while the outside world tries desperately to get them out. Devil made me think of the kind of movie I'd like to write, where you're kept guessing to the end and then you go, "Ah-haa!" I like that. Also the message that we choose our fates as opposed to the randomness of the universe is always fun. If you can make me believe in the Devil, even for an hour and a half then you're doing something right. The climax is possibly the only low point here, but the climax isn't the point, it's all about the journey. We're kept guessing right to the end and the reveal is well done and for me unexpected. Yes it has a twist, but not an annoying Shyamalan twist. I liked Devil. It's a good film. I think you will too. Again, it's not great, but it's good, and this time that's enough.

Devil is currently available on DVD and InDemand. It's worth checking out.

Easy A - A DVD Review

2011-03-19T03:24:00.003-04:00

As much as I wanted to see this film I kept letting it get pushed aside. Somehow I managed to not see it. Fate, or something. Then I showed up for work yesterday and I'm confronted by a co-worker, Kevin, who asks me; "Have you seen Easy A yet?". I say no, but I mean to. He says; "I don't wanna ruin anything for you, but,", and then he quotes the movie in his possibly fake english accent, as if he's the character Brandon from the movie (Dan Byrd), "I'm drunk, what's up bitches!" Thats when I knew I had an emotional connection to this film.

And then I watched it. Partly because of Kevin's enthusiasm, partly because he was right about Pirahna, but mostly because I love Emma Stone. I watched the movie for my prodigy Emma (I singled her out of Superbad as a star!).

The Poop:

Easy A is a comedy Directed by Will Gluck about a mousy girl named Olive who excuses herself from a weekend with a friend by lyeing that she has a date with a college boy, with whom she will insinuate she had... sex! Come Monday she's forced to expound on the lie until it grows beyond her control and takes on a life of it's own; namely, Olive is the first girl in the school to lose her virginity and all the students are thrown into turmoil! Now, this is a school in California, but it's also a school in a movie, so, y'know, we move on. Soon she becomes known as the go-to girl if you wanna lose your virginity, which oddly escalates Olives' popularity both as the decider of cool and the deflowerer of virgins.

Olive's popularity for all the wrong reasons grows, as does her awareness that the religious right that has begun targeting her is barking up the wrong tree. What does she care? She's having fun!

The Review:

When I saw her in Superbad I said that Emma Stone was gonna be huge. She has that quality. Let me just say that were it not for her this would not have made a blip on any radar. The movie was good, but only because she was in it. This will not go down in the books as a great teen comedy, which it tried so hard to be be, but it won't. It very smartly referenced many John Hughes movies. That said they were also very obvious, and not particularly imaginative. The script was aided I imagine a lot by Emma Stone's proven ability to improv. She just has a natural gift for funny situations that seems real. I don't know, it felt like improv... am I wrong?

I didn't LOVE this movie but I like it, mostly because I like the star, Emma Stone. She's charming and engaging enough to make anyone like it if they give it a chance. It's a funny movie and it might even surprise you. I'm glad I saw it. I may even see it again.

And Kevin (from work): thats not even the funniest line!

Jackass 3 : A Review

2011-03-06T03:15:00.003-05:00

I've always been a fan of the Jackass boys, but only since they started the movies. They are SO funny! I watched part one and two and laughed my ass off! And then they had to make a third one. Dammit. Have I outgrown them? Can I look the other way in favour of award winning films? No. I watched Jackass 3 and loved every minute of it. Lemme break it down...

The Poop:

A bunch of guys do crazy stunts to make each other laugh. Thats it. Thats the Poop.

One thing that impressed me about this outing for the boys was that they seem to embrace the gay audience they cultivate. Aside from all the male nudity and homoeroticism they chose to fly the rainbow flag for the opening credits. They know how gay it all is, and they don't care. I LOVE it!

The stunts somehow seemed to amp up from the previous films and yet still be funny; despite the gross one with the horse... and no, it's not like the last film! There were a few times I wretched, but I expect that from a Jackass movie.

The only thing I would criticise is the use of Dave England. He brings the movies to a screaming halt! He is the embodiment of non-funny disgusting. His diarhea volcano was a deal breaker. Cut him loose, boys. Otherwise, see Jackass 3, cos it rocks!!!

The King's Speech -A Review-

2011-02-26T23:08:00.003-05:00

I've finally seen all of the Best Picture nominees that I wanted to before the big night. Oscar is coming, and I know who he's awarding Best Picture!

Although The Social Network should prolly take it, I think The King's Speech will be the victor Sunday night. Why? It's incredibly well written, acted, and directed, and it's exactly the 'type' of film the old school AMPAS voters cream their pants for.

The Royal Poop:

Duke Albert, or Bertie to his family (Colin Firth), is afflicted with a lifelong stammer that greatly impedes his ability to speak. At the urging of his wife Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) he seeks out the help of speech therapist Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). Together they work tirelessley to overcome Albert's impediment, while also forming an unusual and sometimes strained bond; Logue being the first commoner Albert has ever befriended. However when the time comes for Albert to assume his brother's title of King, Albert fears his stutter will keep him from effectively ruling at a time when war is imminent and the radio is the new form of communication. How can he rally his people and the world if he cannot speak a clear sentance? The pressure of his royal duty and the expectations of his people weigh heavily as he pushes forth to the fateful day when he must address the world, via live radio broadcast, and deliver the speech that will define his reign as King George VI.

This movie was incredible! Colin Firth stutters and stammers so convincingly and at the right moments that you believe him from the very start and rally behind him as he tries to get over it. His speech impediment is neither over the top nor reductive. Helena Bonham Carter elegantly embodies a royal air, one that in real life becomes the beloved Queen Mother of our time, mother of Elizabeth II. After all, let us not forget this is the story of the Father of our current Queen. Aside: there's a playful reference to the Queen Mum's tendancy to put on weight early on. Cute. Geoffrey Rush is animated and down-to-earth as the speech therapist and a man who would become a lifelong friend of the King. Another notable performance was Michael Gambon (of the Harry Potter films), who is pure classic royalty as King George V. Director Tom Hooper makes each moment work and rends a real emotional response from every individual scene.

As the story goes, mere months before filming began a relative of Lionel Logue found a diary of his and this information was used as a tool to make the film as historically accurate as possible, even instigating rewrites of the script to be as faithful to the source as possible. Although this relative, upon seeing the film stated that he couldn't imagine Logue ever referring to the King by his nickname Bertie. Also, apparently the timelines, as is usual with historical films, is changed for dramatic reasons. Otherwise I have faith that this was the excellent rendering of a fascinating story.

Also of note: this was all going on while the King's brother, King Edward VIII was abdicating the throne to marry american divorcee Wallis Simpson, a much bigger story in the papers at the time. The fact that this has become the better film is only more praise to the creators, who surely will be awarded well on Oscar Sunday.

DO NOT hesitate to rent or buy this incredible piece of history when it comes out on DVD and Blu-Ray April 19th. (Thats a Tuesday, y'all!)

Enjoy.

Unstoppable -A DVD Review

2011-02-20T22:30:00.002-05:00

When I first saw the trailers for Unstoppable I thought it seemed like a one-track idea for a Chris Pine vehicle following the success of his turn in Star Trek. Hee's the next big thing, the It Boy, that kinda crap. Denzel was a draw cos he's great in everything, but ultimately it looked a little weak. Another case of bad marketing. I seriously think there needs to be a revolution in film marketing because those people are NOT earning their money. I wasn't all that interested in seeing this one. Thank god for the critics. They loved it, as did my personal god Roger Ebert, so I decided to give it a look. Glad I did. I'll tell you why.

The Skinny:

Will (Chris Pine), a freshly graduated conductor is new to the railyard. He is meant to get training from Frank (Denzel), a veteran engineer. Their training consists of moving a locomotive to another location to connect to a train and bring to another location. Simple enough. But meanwhile, back at the yard a pair of idiot workers manage to lose control of a train consisting of... I forget... fifty cars or something. It's a lot! Anyway, as the unmanned train (full of lethal explosives) approaches a heavily populated town, Yardmaster Connie (Rosario Dawson) realizes the intended company plan to save the train won't work and decides to go with an idea put forth by veteran Frank. With Will's help they try to stop the train and avoid what is constantly referred to in the film as "the worst disaster in the history of the state of Pennsylvania". With media helicopters and ground crews following their every move we watch as the two men try to avoid disaster. But can they do it? The odds are WAY against them!

This film started out with an intention. It felt like something was gonna happen. The music cued me in to that. Dun-dun. Dun-dun. That kind've thing. But it wasn't out of place. The opening scenes felt like you were being set up for something, which you are, but it was done well. If I think of a train with a lot of cars I think of it starting with purpose, but slowly. It gradually picks up speed, never shying from it's purpose, and eventually it's running full throttle and there's nothing you can do to slow it. Thats how Unstoppable felt. I was fully invested in this film from minute one, and the resulting journey was exhilerating! With some obvious personal struggle invovled for the characters (which was mostly unnecesarry but not distracting) the mains are motivated by sheer need! They HAVE to do this! It's a moral imperative! What they go through in the course of the story is both inspiring and tragic. Exciting and sad. They really are two fully developed characters doing what they have to do in the most precarious circumstance. The story is beautifully told by director Tony Scott (Top Gun, The remake of The Taking of Pelham 123), and was written for the screen by Mark Bomback (the awesome Live Free Or Die Hard). Unstoppable was called by Roger Ebert "a superb film". Nuff said.

Rosario Dawson as Yardmaster Connie was great as the go between for the right now and the corporate office. She communicated with Frank and Will and grounded the story. She was tough, cool, and believable. I'd let her do my friggin taxes now.

Unstoppable is an excellent film, worth seeing not just for action junkies, but for fans of decent cinema. It was an awesome experience!

DVD currently on shelves as of Feb. 15.

Black Swan - A Review

2011-02-04T02:48:00.003-05:00

I'd heard a lot of good about this one, and a lot of bad. I think this was due to the marketing. When I first saw the trailer for this film I thought it was a supernatural thriller. Then the next wave of publicity hit and I thought it was just a good ol' thriller, no supernatural, but still, ya know, thrilling. Then the next wave of suddenly sterile publicity hit with all the critical raves and I thought it was an art house thriller. Then I watched it. What is it? Despite the misleading or at least poorly coordinated public campaign its a bit of all three. Wait... maybe the campaign wasn't soo bad... I only point it out because most people don't pay attention to the position the studio takes in marketing a film. I found it a bit all over the place. What do the numbers say? More of the same! Apparently in it's opening weekend it took in a mere 1.4 million$, compared to roughly eight weeks later it sits at something like 90million$! And the critics agree. The Academy gave it five nods including Best Picture, Best Director (Darren Aronofsky), and Best Actress (Natalie Portman). And I just finished watching it. So here's what I think.

The Deal:

Natalie Portman plays Nina, an aspiring ballet dancer who has worked hard for her company for years. She has a great drive matched only by her way-too-dedicated mother (played by Barbara Hershey), who longs to see her precious and over-protected daughter succeed. And though the director of the company wants her to play the lead in his newly imagined production of Swan Lake (at the dismay of his now former principal dancer, played almost anonymously by Wynona Ryder) he has reservations about her ability to play the seductive Black Swan. See, Nina is sweet and innocent like the White Swan for which she is perfect, but he eyes a seductive and sexy newcomer as a possible replacement in case Nina can't pull it off. This brings us to Lily, played by Mila Kunis. It seems Lily, on loan from San Francisco, also wants this part but she tries to befriend Nina anyway, hoping to gel with the company.
Rehearsals are brutal, with the director Thomas (played with relish and intimidation by Vincent Cassel) trying to push Nina beyond her personal and physical limits. "Lose yourself" he would shout. "Surrender yourself to the part!"
As she continues to improve but still come up short Nina comes to see guile in Lily, and her motives come into question in befriending Nina. Especially when Lily is tapped by Thomas to be Nina's understudy. Meanwhile Thomas has his own designs for Nina. Intertwined with all of this is some beautiful dance and music.
One fascinating theme for me was how when we hear actors or actresses in interviews talking about 'the process'. "How did you immerse in that role" or "Did you lose yourself"? This film really brings home the effort artists put in to their work as portrayals of other peoples' visions. It really isn't as easy as we'd like to believe.
I was thoroughly enthralled by this film! Natalie Portman drew me in almost hypnotically as the shy, soft-spoken Nina. Her drive and passion as a dancer was credited by her 9 months of hard core training for the part. She looked every bit the hungry ballerina. Vincent Cassel was fantastic as the wolf-like director of the ballet. Mila Kunis was underplayed and exceptional as Lily, and was totally snubbed by the Oscars as Best Supporting Actress, but again, the Oscars don't mean shit. (Did I mention Halle Berry in Monsters Ball?) She was understated and fun as the would-be usurper of the crown. And then there was Barbara Hershey. Typically good, because lets face it she's a phenomenal actress, but what was with her teeth? In Beaches it was her blown-up lips, here it was her bizarre caps. Poor Barbara. Anyway, she delivered a great performance as the creepy stage mom. Maybe in a role like this her plastic surgery lends to the patheticism of the character.
Anyway, I loved this film. It was full of the kind of magic that starts and ends with the credits. Opening credits you know nothing, end credits you know all you need to know. It was beautiful. The climactic scene towards the end (which of COURSE I won't spoil) is one of the most beautiful moments on film I've ever seen. But don't see it for that scene, see it for the entire experience.
It's a wonderfully artful film that can be appreciated by anyone if you give yourself over to it.

Black Swan is in theatres now. It is expected on DVD in March 2011.

127 Hours -A DVD Review

2011-02-01T23:59:00.006-05:00

*As always this is a spoiler free zone. This film is based on a highly publicized true story so we go into it knowing how it ends. This film isn't about the ending, but the journey to get there. Just so you know.*

This is another film I've been wanting to see but hadn't. Well, now I can say I have. The title alone lends itself to so many good 'bad review' one-liners; "It FELT like 127 hours just watching it!", or "I wanted to cut my arm off just to get out of the theatre!". Director Danny Boyle was flirting with a bad pun Hindenburg! Fortunately for him this was far from a disaster. 127 Hours is based on the true story written by title character Aron Ralston, who became trapped in a crevasse while canyoneering in the middle of nowhere. He was, as the title of his memoir points out, 'Trapped Between a Rock and a Hard Place'. After enduring five days of living hell as his arm slowly rots under the weight of a boulder he has to cut himself free if he wants to escape. I remember reading about this story when it was in the news, and was watching when he told his story to David Letterman. It's an incredible story! You would think it impossible to tell it effectively, but thanks to Ralston's best-selling memoir and Danny Boyle's incredible gift for storytelling we have this amazing film. Man oh man.

Here's the skinny:
Aron Ralston (James Franco) heads out in the early morning to hit a favourite climbing spot in Utah. While there he explores an unfamiliar canyon and trips, dislodging a boulder which falls deep into the canyon with him and pins his arm against the canyon wall. Initially angry his emotions soon give way to the myriad phases one must feel before death, except for one: acceptance. Somehow he is able to stay alive and motivated for five days until he realizes that the only way out is to amputate his own arm. But get this; after he chops through his arm with a cheap, blunt multi-tool he emerges from the canyon and rappels down a sheer 65 foot rock face. Then, after six hours of hiking he finds a family who ultimately has him airlifted to safety. According to Wikipedia but not in the film, he eventually returned to the site of the accident to spread the ashes of the amputated arm, which was retrieved by park officials.
First thing you pick up on is the direction. Danny Boyle is working at a frenetic pace, cutting from angle to angle, inserting multiple views in one screen, pulling flashbacks and flash-forwards, and giving you everything you need to feel what Ralston was feeling. Ralston himself said, upon seeing the film, "so factually accurate it is as close to a documentary as you can get and still be a drama." Not to remind you but the source material was Ralston's own account. Nuff said. Franco did a fantastic job as Ralston, playing the cocky sportsman to an almost arrogant 'T', but retaining a humanity and likability that could easily have been lost in all the possible histrionics. This was a calm, thoughtful character who was self-aware and assured but still showed weakness in his desperation. I think we root for him because he's the cool but down-to-earth guy we'd all like as a friend. He never quite lets you in, but any glimpse is gold. There's a moment in the film where the character, in his acceptance of the situation, says something like, "this rock has been waiting for me all my life". I think this role has been waiting for James Franco all his life. What a way to come out of the Spiderman movies! The story is handled with minimal fictionalization by Boyle and co-writer Simon Beaufoy. The early scenes of Aron and the lady hikers he meets are fiction, but the time in the crevasse is, well like Aron said above. Now, I'll reference the amputation scene. Although reports say that during several early screenings a few viewers fainted at this point in the film, it wasn't over the top. I think Boyle showed enough to make it visceral for the audience without making it grotesque. What was shown needed to be shown. It was a pretty fucked up moment in this guys life, and a defining one. It wouldn't have been a complete film without a faithful treatment of that scene. It was done well. I highly recommend this film to anyone who wants to see a simple but powerful story told with the benefit of all the resources available to a gifted director like Danny Boyle (Slum Dog Millionaire), and the talent of an underrated actor like James Franco. He's won tons of awards for his work and even an Oscar nod, though he probably won't get it. Not because he wasn't great, but because the Academy Awards are full of shit. (Halle Berry, anyone? Monster's Ball? Seriously!?) At the end of the day the reason I love this film is the message it delivers. In lieu of a surprise ending you'll have to wait for the message. It's delivered very subtly but very profoundly. We are actually privy to one of the most personal moments in Ralston's life which has nothing to do with the scenes in the canyon, and it made me weep like a baby. Discover it for yourself. I promised no spoilers, and believe me, this movie wil surprise you in so many ways. Enjoy.

127 Hours is not yet available on DVD; that's March 1st. I'm looking forward to some juicy extras like interviews with Aron Ralston and James Franco. We'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile, see this film.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer -A Retro Review

2011-02-01T03:38:00.002-05:00

Finally, after all these years I got around to seeing this film! It kinda flew under my radar but was mentioned by people who knew I was into horror films. Not exclusively of course, just so we're clear! Anyway, I got my hands on an unrated copy and had at it. After a little research while deciding if it was worth my time I gave it a go. It was made in 1986 on a budget of $125,000. Modest, even in the '80's. It's a frank look at the horror genre in a time when loads of blood and sensationalism was the formula. 'Henry' is an in your face, almost documentary-like look at a remorseless murderer and a very short period in his life. Although some adverts call it a film "based on the crimes of Henry Lee Lucas" -a man who confessed to hundreds of murders and was actually convicted of 11- the filmmakers claim it's based on some of the more fantastical claims he made, and therefore not a strict retelling of his actual life, tho there are similarities. Henry was inspired by his real-life counterpart, and he lived with a man whom he met in prison, but thats where the similarities take a holiday.

Not to say the man wasn't a horrible serial killer; that much is true, but the crimes depicted in the film may or may not have happened as portrayed.

Here's the poop:

Henry is a serial killer. He has no motive. He kills for fun, or out of boredom. It isn't clear but he kills. A lot. He lives with Otis, a perverted ex-con, and his sister, Becky, a young stripper who falls in love with Henry.

Out of some kind've implied homosexual crush on Henry Otis is drawn into the killing and they wreak havoc on many people, including an unfortunate family in which they videotape the massacre and molestation. It's a disturbing scene in which Otis takes especial glee in molesting, murdering, and then molesting again the mother. It's difficult stuff to watch at times. Then circumstances find Henry and Becky running off together and as abruptly as it starts, the film ends.

I liked the first two-thirds of the film. I thought it was well done on all levels, drawing me in and really keeping me interested. I wanted to see what would happen next. The final act was a bit of a letdown, but the final act is so short that I guess it was mitigated. At any rate it didn't sustain, and as much as I would recommend this film to horror buffs as an example of when horror got real, I wouldn't suggest the passive horror fan watch it. Yes, a lot of the imagery was brutal, and the pretty sheen of the 80's was taken off killing in film when lots of blood was enough to suggest brutality, but this film, though actually brutal and in your face, fell short in storytelling in the end. I'm glad I watched it, I'm glad I marked the milestone in horror cinema, but ultimately it was, in the end when it came undone, a passable entry in the genre.

Available on DVD. Check out the wikipedia page for this one; interesting release history due to controversy.

Buried -A Review-

2011-01-29T03:58:00.003-05:00

Have you seen Buried yet? No? You should! I gotta say I was intrigued by the premise but I wasn't sure there could be enough to keep it moving and frankly, as much as I love and admire Ryan Reynolds' abs, I wasn't convinced he was the guy to pull it off. I was wrong, and I was wrong.
The story moves forward at a decent pace and Ryan has chops never seen before!
This movie had me sitting stock still for an hour and a half fascinated by what might happen next; no small praise for a film which takes place entirely in a coffin six feet underground. Literally. No cuts to the outside world, no flashbacks; everything you see happens in the small coffin. You might think this limiting. You'd be WRONG.

Here's the poop:

Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynolds) The Green Lantern)) is a supply trucker in Iraq. He wakes up at the start of the film in a box. He has a lighter and a cell phone, plus a few other trinkets to help him get by until he pays a ransom demanded by a caller who tells him he has 2 hours to pay "Five million money" or he's left to die six feet under.
What ensues is beyond imagination! Afterwards I thought, "could I possibly think about what would happen if I was buried alive? What I would do?"

Spanish director Rodrigo Cortes and writer Chris Sparling explore and exploit every plausible option given the protagonists limited means. It would be too easy to spoil this movie with specifics, so I'll just say that you'll be surprised what dramatic tension can be wrought from a box. I was rivited most of the time, and the other times I was sharing Paul's moments of solace when he was thinking... what... what could he have been thinking in those moments? He's buried alive! Maybe I was feeling his hope, or his loss of hope. The film shifts back and forth between the two right until the end. And what an ending!
I won't say anything other than I was completely engrossed the entire time, and I was completely engrossed by the final act. It was just great storytelling. Period.
This is why you go to see thrillers; to be thrilled. This is a simple idea that reminds you that good ideas can be enough, that special effects and explosions aren't always necessary. Those movies can be fun too, but every once in awhile a movie comes along that lets you just enjoy the extended moment of discomfort and identify with the protagonist. You and he are there. What's gonna happen?

See this film because it's well written, it's more than well directed, and because it's a great performance from Ryan Reynolds, who soon might consider this his breakout role despite his having toiled in Hollywood for years. I think he'll get better offers after this.

DVD is currently available.
See rottentomatoes.com for confirmation if you aren't sure.

I Spit On Your Grave 2011 - A DVD Review

2011-01-28T03:19:00.005-05:00

I went in to this movie expecting it would be horrible, I won't lie. I heard that it was rape porn, followed by revenge killing porn. I heard it was repugnant, base, and not worth seeing due to it's fails on all fronts.

And then I would be remiss if I didn't mention my idol, Roger Ebert, gave it a scathing, zero stars review.

Well deserved from his point of view, I'm sure. Let's face it; I base what I see on him 75% of the time. He's a genius.

That said, I finally saw this film and was intrigued by it's making: the process. It felt very cut-and-paste. Like the filmmakers read a book called :How To Make A Modern Horror Film'. Here we go:

1: Cast a group of goodlooking actors, except for the parts played by sherrifs or retards, make them less goodlooking, but still camera ready.

2: Make sure the gorgeous victim somehow loses access to her cell phone. Whether it's by being out of range or dropping it in a toilet... oops... spoiler alert!

3: She should be totally comfortable in her strange surroundings immediately, and when she hears a strange noise it's no big deal the first three times.

4: The fourth time a strange noise is heard the victim should realize they might be in trouble, but not really.

5: The victim is in trouble.

I'm sorry, we've seen this a thousand times lately, especially with the remakes. They lose all sense of the original and kid themselves into being able to do it better. Well guess what? They can't!

Well, let me give you the low-down.
Sarah is a writer moving to a cabin in the middle of nowhere so she can write another novel all alone, with no distractions. Unfortunately on the way she offends some gas jockeys at the small town gas bar. No big deal, right?!
Well, I ain't spoilin' nothin' if I tell you they don't take kindly to uptight city bitches! What did we expect! Seriously!
Without ruining the 'story' eventually they rape her. What come next is a rapists nightmare!!! (Unless you worked on any of the Saw movies.)
She exacts her revenge in many and gruesome ways. Some even implausible, but, whatever, it's a death.
I won't see this movie again. Not because it was challenging or controversial, only because it wasn't good.

Too bad, because I liked the lead girl Sarah Butler. She was good. Hopefully she'll get more work and this will just be a very small feather in her acting cap. Maybe they'll say, "Well, you were the only good thing about that movie."

Here's the deets:

I Spit On Your Grave 2011

DVD Available

See it if you've run out of options and want to dissect bad horror.

Let The Right One In - A DVD Review

2009-09-16T00:33:00.007-04:00

I just finished watching Let The Right One In and I loved it. Let me tell you why.

First things first; this is a swedish film so if you wanna view it under the best circumstances you'll use the 'Set-Up' feature to make it swedish with english subtitles. Do that for the ultimate performance. Really, do you wanna hear cheesy voice-actors interpretting this film for you? NO!

That said... this film was sold as a vampire film, and was critically acclained, which is unusual for a horror, but relax cos this wasn't a horror. It was lauded by critics because it was well made and told a cool story. A love story.

This was one of the best examples of a coming-of-age love story since Heathers!

I'm not kidding, in case you were wondering.

If you were an awkward tween you'll relate to this film.

The Poop:

Oskar is a bullied kid in Sweden. No one likes him, but he seems cool in a nerdy way. One day he meets a girl who moves in to his apartment complex and they hit it off. Yay, he has a friend! Uh-oh! She's a vampire! We know this because the man (creepy times 100) who lives with her drains random peoples' blood to keep her alive. The only thing is he's not very good at it. Soon she has to fend for herself. That's when her relationship with Oskar is put to the test!

This film surprised me in many ways. I didn't expect the relationship between Oskar (the boy) and Eli (the vampire) to be explored as deeply as it was.

I also didn't foresee myself falling so far back in time while watching this and relating so deeply. I feel like I know these characters.

See this original production of Let The Right One In before the americans re-make it!

You can read sub-titles, I have faith in you.

Drag Me To Hell -A Review-

2009-08-29T00:53:00.002-04:00

Sam Raimi easily reestablishes himself as one of the masters of horror after the Spiderman Trilogy with the low budget/high functioning thriller Drag Me To Hell.

After seeing and loving this flick let me offer up one piece of advice; if an old gypsy woman with dead fingernails and one white eyeball asks you for a favour... grant it.

Trust me on this, she will CURSE YOU.

Raimi leaves the mega-budgets of the Spiderman films behind with this foray back to his Evil Dead roots as an horror director. Well done.

He proves he can write and direct a far better horror film than most of the young'uns out there (Eli Roth, pay attention), and reminds us that horror can be kick-ass scary and kinda funny at the same time.

It might still be in theatres, otherwise Drag Me To Hell will be on DVD Oct. 20.

Look it up, bitches.

Quarantine -A DVD Review-

2009-05-24T20:03:00.001-04:00

I love movies like this! It's spooky, creepy fun from beginning to end!

This is the American remake of a very succesful Spanish horror flick which I reviewed here back in September. This is essentially the same film save for a few minor differences (and one kinda big difference) which kept it feeling fresh for fans like myself who saw the original.

Here's the poop:

A tv presenter and her cameraman shadow a couple of firefighters for a program about what goes on in the city at night. When they finally receive a call they respond to a building where an old woman is causing a commotion in her apartment. The firemen break in and find her standing in her livingroom foaming at the mouth and catatonic. After trying to urge her out to an ambulance for a few minutes with no reaction she suddenly lunges at the nearest victim and chews his neck off! So begins a wild ride that doesn't let up on the scares and shocks till the credits roll.

For a lengthy dissertation on the films themes an' shit check out the [rec] review from Sept. 26th.

Suffice it to say my only criticisms of this version are:

1) Greg German of Ally McBeal distracted me in his minor role because it seemed sad, him being reduced to such a background part.

2) I don't think they needed to explain the cause of the 'problem'. It felt forced. Is it an American thing that they need everything to be explained?

Anyway it is a good horror show. Check it out when you want a good spook.

Laters.

Catch Up: What I've been seeing lately!

2009-05-18T16:54:00.006-04:00

Wow! With this new job I haven't been updating my blog. Not to mention I haven't had internet at home for a few months, but that's another story.

Not to worry tho, I haven't stopped watching movies.

Like Forgetting Sarah Marshall! I know, it's old news, but it's a MUST SEE!

Written by and starring Jason Segel -a Judd Apatow regular- along with Kristen Bell (Gossip Girl, Heroes), and the surprisingly charming and funny Mila Kunis (That 70's Show). I have to mention Kunis almost steals this show from first-time headliner Segel. If he weren't so strong he could've been lost to Kunis' very mature and funny performance. Likewise the part of rocker Aldous Snow as played by the very funny british stand-up Russell Brand. He seems to breeze through some hilarious scenes with a completely disarming nonchalance. His confidence and cockiness suit the character perfectly and he manages to remain likeable throughout. A tough feat to pull off for a dick like Snow! Now as for Segel, he is fearless as the gormless goof Peter Bretter, dating the television star Sarah Marshall (Bell). He's sweet, funny, playful, and about to get the dumping of a lifetime. This particular sequence is one of the funniest dumpings I've ever seen in a movie! If you haven't seen it you'll understand why. Segel is instantly likeable and his devestation is heartbreaking, but don't worry, he still makes you laugh.

When he's finally convinced to change out of his sweatpants and leave the house Bretter plans a trip to Hawaii in the hopes of, as the title says, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Unfortunately he finds himself staying at the same resort as guess who and her new boyfriend.

Hilarity and highjinx ensues.

Look for hilarious cameos by Kristen Wiig (Knocked Up's tv exec), and Jonah Hill (Superbad).

Great fun with a heart!

Check it out.

Another recent fave was Slumdog Millionaire. Holy shit is this a good movie! It's original, smart, and tragically sad. Being familiar with the director's previous work I was totally unprepared for this one. Danny Boyle is responsible for some of my favourite dark films; Trainspotting, Shallow Grave, and 28 Days Later to name a few. With Slumdog he seems to be growing as a storyteller, using a lighter touch and a less frenetic pace. The actors are all unknown to North American audiences but they became instant stars when this movie hit.

Eight Academy Awards and a fistfull of other accolades have made it feel overrated to some who therefore avoid popular films as though they're above such mainstream pap. Meanwhile these pretentious douchebags have already pre-ordered their tickets for the next Twilight installment. Trust me, this is a thousand times better than anything with a 'Part II' after it.

The story is very involved but unfolds naturally as it observess the interrogation of a young Indian man standing accused of cheating on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. In flashbacks we come to understand how he managed to get to the last question in the game without ever getting one wrong, a feat never before accomplished.

I'll leave it at that, as discovering this film is part of the fun.

I've always loved Danny Boyles films, but now I'm adding him to my short list of fave directors.

See ya soon!

Must See Movies: My Own Damn List!

2008-12-12T19:40:00.002-05:00

Everybody makes lists of movies you just HAVE to see. Except me. Till now.
So here you go, another useless and totally biased compilation of films you should, nay MUST see.
In no particular order, just as they come to me:
1. Annie Hall (1977)
2. Eraserhead (1977)
3. A Clockwork Orange (1971)
4. There Will Be Blood (2007)
5. Red (2008)
6. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (1999)
7. Dancer In The Dark (2000)
8. 28 Days Later (2002)
9. No Country For Old Men (2007)
10. Black Snake Moan (2006)
11. A Christmas Story (1983)
12. Dumb and Dumber (1994)
13. Heathers (1988)
14. Husbands and Wives (1992)
15. Marie Antoinette (2006)
16. Paranoid Park (2007)
17. Lost In Translation (2003)
18. Deconstructing Harry (1997)
19. Goodfellas (1990)
20. Private Parts (1997)

The House Bunny - A Movie Review-

2008-11-23T00:04:00.008-05:00

Okay, here's me gloating at the top of my... uh, ...gloating... -ness. ANNA FARIS!

Anna Faris has proved over and over that she can carry a movie, even if it sucks. I LOVE ANNA FARIS!!! The girl is funny, charming, and as the choice for lead in The House Bunny (from, ironically, the writers of Legally Blonde) she proves once and for all that she is the new Reese Witherspoon. Faris has done great unsung work in some big dramatic films (Brokeback Mountain, Lost In Translation), great charmingly funny work in some forgettable, shitty movies (The Scary Movie franchise, The Hot Chick), and a fine comedic performance in a particularly good indy comedy (Smiley Face).

This time she does the big budget summer romance/comedy/feel-good role and as usual whenever she's on the screen you can't take your eyes off her! She just does something right whenever she steps in front of the camera. This is why I drew the Reese comparison; not because I think Reese is no longer relevant (as long as she's dating Jake Gylenhaal she'll be relevant to me!), but because she always delivers a quality performance no matter what the twisted, misogynistic studios put her in. Sometimes her films sell, sometimes they don't, but Faris is ALWAYS the best thing about whatever she's in, and thats a huge compliment!

Okay, The Poop:

Anna Faris plays Shelley, a Playboy bunny living the luxe life in the Playboy Mansion with Hef (obviously played as more than a cameo by the man himself!) and dreaming of being the next centerfold. Her whole life has come to her twenty-seventh birthday at which she expects to be awarded the coveted title of Miss November. After an incredible (and incredibly sanitized version of a) Playboy party she wakes the next day to a letter from Hef demanding she leave the mansion immediately. She leaves, making herself homeless, and soon stumbles upon a group of loser sorority girls without a house mother and about to lose their chapter due to lack of pledges. Reluctantly they take her on and learn the finer points of fitting in, with some moral lessons along the way.

Or something like that.

Shelley teaches the brainy, grim-looking (mostly) girls of the Zeta House how to be cool and popular, with some very funny moments including a Forrest Gump tribute that was perhaps too heavily edited but still funny. Under her Playboy Bunny tuteledge they go from fugly to fab in just under two songs. Most of the girls are resistant except for the desperate and nerdy Natalie (Superbad's Jules) who helps rally the girls to save the sorority which if it doesn't receive at least thirty new pledges will be kaput.

We know where this is going. Everyone, somehow, is gonna be happy at the end. So I'll float a few scenarios;

1) Shelley fails but they learn the true meaning of sisterhood and start their own sorority

2) Shelley succeeds, the girls become popular and those girls from the competing sorority are jealous and make those seething "ussshhhhh" noises with clenched fists as the Zeta girls party at the end

3) Shelley goes back to the Playboy Mansion and fulfills her dream of being a centerfold

Any and all of these lame endings are possible, and they don't even address the possible romantic sub-plots. But who the fuck cares?!

Shelley's journey is made fun to watch thanks to Faris and despite some questionable plot points is ultimately satisfying and enjoyable.

Natalie (Emma Stone) is equally watchable and if I didn't predict it from Superbad I'll predict it here; Emma Stone is gonna be big... after some time. She's a quality actress with the unfortunate curse of being waay good-looking. This will limit her parts for awhile until the studios wake up; as with Faris, as with Witherspoon!

Stone has a funny, if somewhat affected-by-Superbad delivery and a charm which exudes that so called 'it' factor. She's already working on other projects, as is Faris.

Just you wait!

An oddly underused cameo came from Beverley D'Angelo who, although good in all her scenes was almost unrecognizable thanks to bad angles. I saw her name in the opening credits but forgot about her until I saw her much later and said to myself, "Holy shit! That's Beverley D'Angelo! She looks amazing!". It's true, I said that to myself. The problem is she wasn't focused on enough during her scenes as the cunty house mother of the competing sorority for me to recognize her. Shame on the director. A few memories from the Vacation movies might've solicited more laughs.

All said I enjoyed this movie. Anna Faris is ALWAYS a joy to watch (do you finally get it?!), and the story, though flawed and perhaps mis-edited is fun and will be appreciated by teenaged girls, homos, and the fat women who love them along with anyone else who enjoys a good airhed-with-heart comedy. This is going to be a Sunday afternoon movie on TBS that you switch to right before leaving the house and instead have to sit and watch for the simple fact that it's on and you want to see it. But that won't be for a while!

And if you're in Toronto, as of, er, Blog-time, The House Bunny is still playing at the AMC Interchange 30, so check your local listings. Hehe.

The DVD is dropping on Dec. 19.

Red -A Film Review-

2008-11-21T02:20:00.012-05:00

Red is a great example of a 'Revenge Thriller'. Man is wronged, man seeks his own form of justice, man wreaks revenge.
The difference this time is a sweet and unexpectedly wise twist; the victim is the man's dog.
Switching the context from a husband or wife being killed to a treasured pet more keenly focuses the viewer onto the theme which makes films like these so compellingly watchable; the justice!
When transit refuses your valid transfer or your boss tells you to apologize to the asshole customer you feel denied.
This film will make you feel better. Here justice is served... unexpectedly...

THE POOP:
Trygve Allister Diesen and Lucky McKee direct a screenplay by Stephen Susco based on a novel by Jack Ketchum about a reclusive man who goes fishing with his best friend; a dog named Red. Circumstance sees his dog killed and Avery is left to pursue whatever legal channels are available. The law proves flaccid and Avery tries, in his old-fashioned, upstanding way to make things right through alternative proper channels, but, well, things don't go so well for poor Avery.
What he does is what I love about this film.

If you have ever loved a pet you'll appreciate this film, but if you've ever loved a person, or even just loved the idea of justice you'll love this film. The story and the acting by Cox are so understated and powerful that you become riveted, as I was, by the sense of 'what comes next', edge-of-your-seat enthrall that you're pulled into.
I was emotionally connected to this film from about ten minutes in and I was held by the throat by it until the end. Themes of loss, remorse, guilt, personal weakness and most importantly love and the belief in cosmic justice pervade this film and elevate it from seediness to must-see status.

One story in the film is told by a hunter who, mistakenly, forgets to engage the safety on his shotgun while hunting. His faithful dog by his side he trips over a bush and shoots his leg off. Close to blacking out he hears the dog bark and wakes up to see the dog walk a few feet away and bark again. Encouraged by the dog he pulls himself toward the dog and the animal barks again and moves a few feet further. Eventually the man says he credits the dog with giving him the where-with-all to drag himself a mile to salvation.
It's a beautiful story told well and by writers gifted in the art of storytelling. If you aren't moved by this moment then you're a wall.

Red is a beautiful, simple film told in a very straightforward manner. I have a lot of respect for the lack of complication with which the makers brought this film to us.
It's like, they respect us as thinking people and not just faceless audiences. It's true, full, honest.
It devastated me on a few levels.
Hey! See it to find out what devastates me!

No DVD details are currently available, and after it's early '08 release no show times are current, but keep Red on your radar for excellent films worth seeing.
Red (I repeat the title so somehow subliminally it'll hit you when you see it in the video store) is definitely worth your time. See it!

In the meantime I'll leave you with this; I don't have a dog, I have a cat. His name is Wally. If, while sitting casually in my living room someone walked up and shot him in the head I'd be devastated.
Were it not for Wally I can almost safely guarantee I wouldn't be alive today. Loneliness is a bitch of an affliction. I understand Avery 100 percent, and I think you will too.

Irreversible -A Retro Review- Beware Spoilers!

2008-11-07T02:23:00.005-05:00

I did a quick search on my own blog and I know I reviewed this film before, but I watched it with new eyes tonight.

This is Gaspar Noe's Irreversible.

This is a difficult film to watch. For many reasons.

I'm uncomfortable thinking about it, I'd better get right to...

The Poop:

A man is dragged from a gay bar beaten to a bloody pulp! Why was he there? The question is answered swiftly... he went there looking for someone... why? Because the cab he stole took him there... what cab?! And so it begins.

Something really fucked up happens and some guy wants revenge, but we have to watch the film unfold to understand why because it's told in a reverse-linear style a la Memento. 'Cept it's french and, believe it or not, better done!

Gaspar Noe wrote, directed, edited and brought the bagels for the cast of Irreversible, his second feature film (though his first of note). He did an amazing job of penning an incredibly engrossing thriller and then rendering it on film! Thriller? For some reason that feels wrong... although I could be wrong. Everything about this movie pushes someones buttons.

And then theres the rape scene.

-------SPOILERS------- we'll let you know when it ends!

When the rape begins it feels cheesy, almost B-movie. But then it happens, and it doesn't end.

Watching the rape scene in this film was heartbreaking for me. I cried and I'm tearing up thinking about it. The most brutal, horiffic, inhuman act... not 'act', RAPE is the only word! A woman is raped in this film in the most violent way, and in the grand scheme of the film it actually makes sense. Trust me, as I tear up just thinking about it. Allow Gaspe Noe to wash you with this film and you'll thank me in the end. If you actually have the stomach to ride this one to the end you'll be glad you did.

-SPOILERS OVER-

All you afraid I'd ruin it can read from here. Yes, the film is about rape, but it's about more than that.

Maybe it's about what we invest in people. Maybe it's about the boundaries we put up to protect ourselves. Maybe it's about how far we'd go to secure the ideal we keep about someone, and all the things we ignore while idealising them.

And just maybe we want to see our ideal as flawless and so we take a slight fall, hoping they'll soon swoop in and save us.

Irreversible is available for rent where all good artsy-rape films are sold.

Tropic Thunder -A Review-

2008-11-01T02:51:00.006-04:00

Dear readers, as you know this blog is dedicated to bringing you only the good films, the great films, the films you need to see. I know some reviewers revel in trashing the bad films and thats fun to read but I don't do that. I only write about the good ones cos I wanna guide you to the good films; the 'right' films so to speak.

Now, forgiving any of my tendencies to hyperbole in the past I will say that Tropic Thunder is one of the BEST comedy films of recent memory! Juno, Knocked Up, Superbad, and Tropic Thunder. Same echelon. Ben Stiller scored an A-plus with this one! He co-wrote the script with Justin Theroux (actor: Mulholland Drive, Writer: the upcoming Iron Man 2!), and Ethan Cohen. I'm not gonna offend by listing his credits!!

Here's the poop:

Director Damien Cockburn (Steve Coogan) is making a Viet Nam war movie that looks to be headed for the Flop Bin. To save the production he decides to send the actors to an actual war zone and try to film guerilla-style to make it more life-like.

His stars are Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller), and Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.).

Supporting are... well, the supporting list is a who's who of Hollywood... Jack Black, Jay Baruchel, Tyra Banks, Maria Menounous, Nick Nolte, Jason Bateman, Lance Bass, Alicia Silverstone, Jon Voight, Mickey Rooney, Toby MacGuire... the list goes on! It was fun recognizing people, but NEVER did it take away from the story.

One cameo was wrong. There was a cameo performance in Tropic Thunder that felt ill advised! You'll notice it in the first half-hour. Matthew McConaughey's hairpiece! If it was wackier I'd think it was on purpose, but the humour of the film is so broad I knew it was MM's attempt to have... hair.

Memo to whoever does Matthew McConaughey's hair; go simple. His wig should have a co-starring credit! "Matthew McConaughey as Rick Peck, and Bad Hairpiece as his Hair!"

To MM; Dude, you're balding, that sucks. You're a ripped Hollywood actor and every picture that appears in People shows you on a beach shirtless and you're flawless. Well done. Guess what? When you wear wigs... we NOTICE!!!!

They look SILLY!

Kay, I'm done.

Basically, Tropic Thunder is a wicked, character-driven, story-driven comedy that hits all the action points it wants to well still being smart. Some of the lines written in here are hysterical!

Ben Stiller is really coming into his own. With a little help from his friends.

Tropic Thunder is a huge hit and you MUST see it! It comes to DVD November 18.

I, Robot - A Retro-Review-

2008-10-25T02:19:00.003-04:00

Once again I'm bringing you faithful readers a film I didn't catch for one reason or another. I, Robot was made in 2004 and I didn't see it then, but I was probably doing something really important. *sigh* (cut to me crying at the end of my bed with my head in my hands. But thats another story!)

The good news is that bringing this film to you now feels like perfect timing because it deals with some very relevant themes. In fact, although this flick was a financial success I think it was ahead of its time. Here's why;

THEMES DEALT WITH IN I, ROBOT

1: How the human race is neglecting the planet and ultimately the human race itself.

2: Prejudice and the definition of 'slavery'.

3: The 'Right To Choose' debate; ie; What defines 'life'?

Now first of all if anyone is concerned about the film's assertion that we'll be living with intelligent robots in 31 years let me point to the work being done by Honda of Japan. I specifically point to ASIMO. Google it. As incredible as it is it'll set your mind at ease in the wake of this movie. Think Reality is to White as Fiction is to Black. Honda's robots are really fucking cool, but when you see them in action... you got nothing to worry about.

Here's the poop:

Will Smith plays Detective Spooner from future Chicago's homocide department. He distrusts all robots. This is Smith in typical trademark glib, cooler-than-thou mode, and buff beyond all necessity! He hates robots and dammit if he's old fashioned, he'd rather have his grandma cook for him than some bastard old robot! Well now he lives in a society where robots are as common as iPods! But unlike iPods they follow three basic rules:

1: Never Harm A Human

2: Obey any order given by a human unless it violates rule no. 1

3: Protect yourself at all costs unless it violates rules 1 or 2.

Well it just so happens his life was saved by a robot and he dreams of it nightly.

So why the animosity?

Well, the creator of the newest and best generation of robots (and indeed the father of all modern robotics) has committed suicide and as his last act summoned Spooner to the scene.

From here an excellent line is delivered by the deceased creator, Dr. Alfred Lanning (the great James Cromwell), to Spooner when he says, "Everything that follows is a result of what you see here."

This is the first piece in the foreshadowing puzzle that plays out through the entire film! Clues are dropped constantly, and I suspect this wasn't a directorial choice because they felt like they were meant to be more subtle than they were, but worked out to be more significant than they were intended!

From here Spooner investigates the scene and quickly finds a robot among the good doctor's things which doesn't want to comply to the usual commands. A suspect is identified, but wait; is it possible for a robot to violate the 3 laws and kill a human?

Aha!

You'll have to find out for yourself!

But not without me paying tribute to a film that made this one possible:

Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey

Obviously a much more subtle meditation on the theme of man-made creations gone wild, Kubrick's film elevated the genre of science fiction and made it an acceptable mainstream subject.

And keep in mind these facts you nerds: 2001 was made in 1968, the screenplay written by Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke in 1965.

I, Robot is an original story very loosely based on several short stories of Isaac Asimov.

Available on DVD everywhere

Hancock -A Movie Review-

2008-10-23T00:19:00.006-04:00

As superhero movies become an accepted and even critically acclaimed genre more each day one has to take a step back and marvel at the reception received by Hancock. So many elements of this film are questionable, and I wonder 'what if'?

Hancock is a black superhero. Many would say 'It's about time!'. Sure! He also just happens to be an alcoholic who sleeps on park benches. And he has a sarcastic attitude. Fair enough. He also solves crimes but in his drunken process also destroys as much as he saves! Oh yeah, he has no recollection of who he his or where he's from.

Well one day Hancock meets Ray, who helps to reestablish Hancock as a proper hero and not just a drunken "asshole"; a label Hancock despises.

Through rehabilitation Hancock becomes the hero Ray imagined and all is right with the world... until...

NO SPOILERS here, but suffice it to say there are a few fun twists! Hancock learns a little more about where he comes from and why he lost his memory 80 years ago. Oh, did I mention that he's immortal?

I'm really liking the seriousness with which Hollywood is treating superhero stories these days. Thank Tim Burton and Jack Nicholson for that! Beyond the camp there are some great character studies and this, at times, is one.

John Hancock is conflicted. He doesn't know who he is or where he comes from. He rebels against the society he tries to rescue because rescuing is all he knows how to do, but he knows nothing of his society. He's lost. He finds guidance in Ray.

Here's the Poop:

I'm finally gonna retire my distaste for Will Smith. He, yet again, turns in an incredible performance. (See Happyness and I Am Legend.) He could have been glib and goofy as Hancock but he plays it real, and by real I mean like a real person, not a cartoon. The laughs come from the writing, not Will trying to be funny.

Jason Bateman is typically good. I don't know how he manages to not be a huge star but he's able to carve out a career playing buddies and foils. His starring turn in the great television show Arrested Development (where he's first paired with Theron) not withstanding, he should be bigger than he is. His screen presence is undeniable. Maybe he should have a chat with Seth Rogen's agent! (they have mutuality in Juno and Forgetting Sarah Marshall! I'm just sayin!)

Charlize Theron is good as Ray's conflicted wife... but why is she conflicted... OOOHHH!

I've read a lot of shit about how this movie switches tones midway and then swings back but honestly I think it works. I liked the switch! I think it injected something new into the story and made this more than a superhero movie.

In fact I pity the remake director. He's (or She's, but hopefully He's :)) gotta give us an equally complicated film with more action and somehow make these characters as relevant to each other as they were here.

Good luck, unnamed director! (Unless it's Peter Berg, in which case I say "Just don't fuck it up!")

In regards to why I wondered at Hancock's reception? It was a financial success, fair enough. I just found it interesting that in order to get peoples attention it had to be about a black superhero who was an alcoholic loser. Would he have been as interesting as a rich playboy?

Hey, maybe I'm the racist!

Look for Hancock at your local 2nd run theatres, or on DVD November 6th.

Wanted -A Movie Review-

2008-10-21T23:35:00.002-04:00

Wanted is a big budget, high concept, well-planned but not so well written way better than average reworking of the Matrix, but sexier and quicker.

Does that do it for you?

How about the fact that Angelina Jolie is sexier than since her animated version in Beowulf? Not enough?

How about that the action sequences are funner than your best shoot-em-up fantasy times ten?!

Still?!

How about the fact that it doesn't stop from beginning to end and if you need to stay up cos you have, like, a test tomorrow or a really big presentation and you need something more than Redbull to keep you awake all you have to do is rent Wanted and you'll be wide-a-fucking wake till the cows come home!

It's just good action!

Here's the Poop:

James McAvoy is a douchey accountant who one day realizes he's the descendant of an ancient line of assassins. Angelina tutors him in the ways of action-film killing and he excels! Yay! Until his life is on the line, and he has to put all his doubts behind him and fight for his life!!!!! Can he live up to his destiny? Oooooh! Let's watch!

The action sequences are so totally kick-ass! The fights rock! Angelina is sexier than she's ever been, and in the third act even James McAvoy reveals an incredible body! That aside, the performances are really good! Thats what saves this script-thin movie. Anyone who loved the Matrix will draw some comparisons but this movie stands alone in it's ability to deliver! It borrows but it pony's up the dough. What the fuck do I mean by that? Um... I guess Wanted asks for an Action Movie loan and the Matrix co-signed...

Anyway, see Wanted! Despite the fact that I feel like I haven't heard much about it it got great critical reviews and made a shitload of money!

Rottentomatoes.com places it at 73%. Not bloody bad!

See Wanted on DVD December 2!

Chapter 27 -A DVD Review-

2008-10-19T00:17:00.003-04:00

Here is an independent film that you may not have heard of. This small production about the murder of John Lennon was brought to a tiny, mostly negative audience first at Sundance in 2007 and soon-after Berlin, finally premiering to North American audiences in March of 2008. The DVD was released in September of '08.

Chapter 27 is an interesting little film. The subject matter almost guarantees it an audience and yet it was a financial flop, taking in barely more than $56,000; enough to pay off my debts but not enough to make the investors very happy. I hope meeting Jared Leto was worth it! (Whoops, he was one of the producers!)

The Poop:

Chapter 27 follows Mark David Chapman (Leto) over the course of the three days prior to his infamous murder of icon John Lennon.

Leto gained 65 pounds to transform himself from the skeletal pseudo punk-rock star wannabe we love from the magazines into the shlubby loser psychopath we always knew he could be. In this case, Mark David Whatsisname.

Mark arrives in New York with the sole intention of meeting John Lennon armed with nothing but a book (The Catcher In The Rye), a gun, a few crazy, disembodied voices, and a dream. While hanging outside the Dakota Hotel with all the other groupies he meets Jude, played by Lindsay Lohan (we learn her name when her friend calls "Hey, Jude, are we going?" Hey Jude, get it?).

The film is a character study, approached from the outside but allowing us glimpses of the inside of Chapman's deranged mind. From the outset we are told through Leto's narration as Chapman that his past and the abuses of his parents is inconsequential to the story. We are told to focus on these three days knowing nothing (if, like myself, you are uninitiated).

Leto plays Chapman as a self-pitying loser with a fascinating commitment that goes beyond his almost contrived weight-gain. I mean, it's impossible not to be fascinated by how fat he is compared to his usual skeletal appearance; completely unlike Robert De Niro in Raging Bull in which case a normal guy gained a few pounds. This is like Trevor Reznick becoming the world's fattest man at the circus. It's too obvious! However I'll say this; he is fascinating to watch! His portrayal, whether faithful or not is riveting most of the time. Leto, despite his silly public persona is a fantastic actor. This is a saving grace since he carries the film from the first frame to the last. He does a great job of keeping you interested in what this Chapman dude is gonna think or do next.

Lindsay Lohan plays an interesting but ultimately unnecessary plot device called Jude. It's a shame cos Lohan is effective in her tiny role.

And here is where I state, once again, for the record; despite her fucked up personal life as the press sees it, Lindsey is a talented actress. There I said it. Again. She's good. She just needs material challenging enough to make her really work hard. This wasn't it. This was practically a cameo.

The actual murder was downplayed cos apparently the focus was meant to be on Chapman which is fine. He came, he waited, he killed. No answers are given to those who want answers. See this film if you just want to gain a little knowledge about what kind of guy Lennon was dealing with.

I liked it. I don't know why Chapman did what he did. I don't know why humanity destroys the best of itself. What I do know is I'll never hang out waiting for an autograph because no signature in the world will make me a better person, and no book will ever sum up my life that I myself haven't written.

This was three days in the life. You'll learn nothing. You'll just watch and feel how you feel. It's worth the 84 minutes. Lemme know in the comments if you disagree.

Available on DVD mostly everywhere.

Oscar is coming... look busy!

2008-10-13T23:56:00.002-04:00

The date has been set; February 22, 2009!That's the day we'll learn which films campaigned hard enough to be recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Okay, clearly the Oscars are no yardstick by which to measure the merits of current films, but they usually get the popular ones right (although I loved No Country For Old Men, last year's Best Picture winner, I thought There Will Be Blood was one of the best films I'd ever seen! Daniel Day Lewis was acquitted by his win for Best Actor!).

However, soon enough we'll have our nominees for 2008 and aside from Heath Ledger's almost guaranteed (and more than well-deserved) posthumous nod for The Dark Knight I have no idea who to root for.

Could Robert Downey Jr. see recognition for his awesomeness in an action flick like Iron Man? Sadly, prolly not.

Will Woody get director props for Vicky Christina Barcelona? Mmm, again, sadly, prolly not. But then again...

What have you seen in the last year that deserves to be awarded?

Lemme know.

I'm lost so far.

But then again I still have a lot of movies to see.

johnny

[rec] -A Movie Review- NO SPOILERS!

2008-09-26T23:09:00.004-04:00

Horror fans, get ready to stop being jaded! If you like the direction the genre is headed, and, like me, you wonder who can take everything the filmmakers have learned and improve upon it, then I have great news!

[rec] (like the 'record' icon in a video camera's viewer) isn't wholly original and it doesn't break any new ground, but it utilizes a lot of new tricks as effectively, if not moreso than any recent horror films to precede it. Example; the camerawork and perspective is all handheld a la The Blair Witch Project or the recent and awesome Cloverfield. The subject matter is... well, that one I won't give away. I can say that in this respect [rec] has nothing in common with the previous mentioned films.

But like I said, it isn't newer than anything you've already seen, just better.

Here's the poop:

TV presenter Angela (Manuela Velasco) and her cameraman, Pablo visit a Barcelona firehouse to shoot footage for a fictional show called While You Sleep. As they interview the firemen a call is received and the force is dispatched to a local building where an old woman is trapped in her apartment. Residents of the building are scared and confused as the firemen and police attempt to rescue the woman only to be attacked by... I said NO SPOILERS!

Soon the government seals off the building with no explanation and noone; residents, fire crew, reporter or cop, knows anything.

However, what was assumed to be an isolated incident quickly escalates despite everyones best efforts and the situation spirals horribly out of control.

Now, as you know I love good horror. This movie had me literally leaning forward the entire time! There were a few awesome shocks and some really frightening scenes, and the tension is maintained throughout to take up the slack in between. The reporter Angela (Velasco) is a great screamer and believable in her role as the one person trying to keep perspective despite the harrowing events surrounding her. The cameraman (I assume is the guy credited on imdb.com only as 'voice', Pep Sais) is also good at giving you someone to root for. There are no stupid asshole teenagers running for their lives in this horror, just regular folks in an increasingly nightmarish scenario trying to figure out what the hells going on and how to survive!

I first heard about this movie on The Howard Stern Show when Robin and Richard talked about how it's one of the scariest movies they'd ever seen. Robin even said that she saw it in the original Spanish without the subtitles and still was freaked out! Richard, who if you know the Show is a huge horror fan, said it was one of the scariest movies ever. Well, calm down. I went into this remembering those comments and was slightly buffered at first. Could it really be that scary?

Go into it with no expectations.

In my humble opinion (I think the kids are typing that IMHO these days) I'd have to say Yes, it scared the shit out of me, but you're different. It may be a walk in the park for you. I can see how someone could call it cliched and overdone. I could agree that it's a rehash of several movies that've come before it. What I can also say it that it is an effective use of the many bits and pieces of many of it's predecessors put together in a whole new film in such a good way that it's just plain... well, GOOD!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

This will surely rate a repeat viewing. Maybe when I've learned how to sleep again.

My best advice if you watch this is PAY ATTENTION! Actually don't worry, you'll have no choice once it hooks you.

My spidey senses tell me it's being remade by those dirty americans for release in the Fall of this year. They did a good job with Funny Games but that might've been a fluke. (Funny Games was a remake of the Austrian film of the same name by the same director, Michael Haneke, a suspense genius! Look him up!).

[rec], or rather it's american counterpart Quarantine, is being helmed by John Erick Dowdle. [rec] was co-directed by Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza.

Rottentomatoes.com aggregated [rec] at 93% based on 14 reviews. The lone dissenter was surprisingly from Variety, calling the film "lazily scripted" and "without [...] character development".

Finally, if it actually works, I leave you with a trailer! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQUkX_XowqI

The Incredible Hulk 2008-A Movie Review-

2008-09-19T01:35:00.003-04:00

I just finished watching The Incredible Hulk. Honestly, I expected this to be a big, stupid, special-effects laden mess, and I went in with that mind set. I also expected to hate Edward Norton (Bruce Banner) cos I hate him in anything else. Just see American History X and if you didn't hang yourself you'll know what I mean.

However I really enjoyed this film. The story moves like crazy and although it doesn't always make sense the action makes up for the plot holes.

The action sequences are all CGI but well done, and I know that cos I never once thought 'Hell, that's the lamest head-smashing I've ever seen! I could do that better!'!

I highly recommend The Incredible Hulk. It's a good action flick with a bit of thought behind it.

I liked it.

I said... I ... ouch, I said I fuckin... OWWWI LIKED IT!!! THE MOVIE, I LIKED... OUCH!!!!!!! WHAT?! WHAT?! THE INCREDIBLE HULK!!!! i SAID I %$#@I LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Machinist -A Review- 2.0

2008-09-14T01:26:00.004-04:00

It's been a long time since I've seen this film. I was in the mood tonight.

Christian Bale is Trevor Reznick, the machinist of the title.

It's been a year since he's slept and the insomnia is taking it's toll. He functions on coffee, cigarettes and the occasional chicken wing. His spine shows through his skin. Legend has it Bale prepared for the role by consuming one cup of coffee and an apple every day for four months in preparation. It shows in gruesome detail.

The real story however is, well, the story!

Trevor works in a machine shop. He operates some sort of hydraulic something-or-other. They look dangerous. When he accidentally causes a co-worker to lose an arm while assisting in a repair the entire plant turns against him, except for one mysterious employee called Ivan. Problem is noone knows who Ivan is. Furthermore someone is leaving threatening post-it messages on Trevor's refrigerator! He wonders how they got in? Who are they? Why are they doing this to a man who can't sleep and whose only outlet is a 24/7 airport coffee shop? Well, that and a prostitute who seems to have fallen in love with him.

The journey you'll take in answering these questions is more than worth it. Bale's performance is nothing short of genius! His commitment doesn't end with his emaciated body. This is not the Bale of Batman. There is no trace of the robust and muscled Bruce Wayne here. What we're introduced to in the beginning scenes is a corpse; a bony, creepy endoskeleton of a man who doesn't eat or sleep.

The tone of the film is grim and the music oddly evocative of 80's creepers.

The direction and editing are tight, leaving no extraneous scenes, to the point I thought it could've easily been two-and-a-half hours when in fact it was only just over an hour-and-a-half. They manage to pack a lot into that time!

Relative newcomer Brad Anderson directed the hell out of this, and Scott Kossar (The Amityville Horror remake, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake) wrote the script. Believe me this is more than just worth seeing; this is required viewing for fans of the new thriller avante garde. Fans of Christopher Nolan may have a new hero. Storytelling is wedded to cinematography in a wonderful way.

See The Machinist.

Available on DVD everywhere.

Baby Mama -A DVD Review-

2008-09-10T21:25:00.003-04:00

This is not the funniest comedy I've ever seen. It's not by any means groundbreaking. It's not even hugely innovative or original. I guess the reason I still liked it is because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have such incredible chemistry and together they muster enough charm and likeability that I cared about the characters and genuinely felt for them.

Sure there are some funny moments. I chuckled to myself a few times. I laughed out loud more than once. I felt good when I was supposed to and I was sad or angry on cue as well. That doesn't exactly make for great cinema, but maybe thats enough when you just wanna watch a movie that makes you feel good. That's not an easy thing. I've seen comedies (many of which starred Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell) where I just shake my head and wonder how I ended up on a date with someone who actually thought paying twelve dollars a ticket would act as some sort of twisted foreplay. Some so-called comedies are irredeamable beyond all belief. Whether you're a man or a woman on a first date, I can't conceive of spreading legs or cheeks for most of what passes for 'Date Movies' these days.

Baby Mama might've been an exception, had I been asked by a dude to see this with him. But I wasn't. I'll get over it.

Here's the poop;

Tina Fey plays Kate; a sorta uptight VP of an organic foods company DESPERATE for a baby. She tries everything: adoption takes too long, her in-vitro clinic sends her home with a cup of sperm like it's a latte, and of course she can't conceive like a 'normal' woman so she turns to the last great hope. Enter Chaffee Bicknell, the surrogate agent, played by Sigourney Weaver in a manner I can only describe as the most fertile 60-year-old woman on the planet. Either she carries peat moss around in her uterus or her never-seen husband is twenty and powered by Monsanto. (Look it up. The vegans get it!) The elder Chaffee is poppin' 'em out like a pitching machine! She don't need her own services no matter how old she gets! Kate feels the ouch.

Chaffee hooks Kate up with Angie (Poehler), a white-trash dummy and they decide to let Angie carry Kate's fertilized eggs.

Now, in typical comedy form Angie breaks up with her skeevy boyfriend and moves in with the prim Kate and hilarity is supposed to ensue on an Odd Couple-ian scale. Sadly such heights are never reached.

Both women, especially Fey, are more than watchable. Each steals their individual scenes, and when they're together sparks fly! Unfortunately the real tension you might expect from polar opposites is missing and as one reviewer noted, there might've been more drama if we glimpsed some real hatred, which comes too late.

The romantic sub-plot involving local shop owner Rob (Greg Kinnear) is too predictable, however the other supporting player Romany Malco (as Oscar the doorman) felt underused. Both are good, but Malco had potential to be a real scene stealer instead of an afterthought. Again tho, Kinnear and Malco, in fact the entire cast is fantastic and is what ultimately makes this film at least enjoyable.

One disappointment comes from Steve Martin's cameo as Kate's hippie-dippy boss, Barry. He had a chance to really be a wild amalgam of a grassroots, granola munching profit-mongering CEO pot-head, but he played it pretty safe and left me wondering to what heights he could've taken his bizarre character. It was such a minor part for chrissake! He didn't have to assume any responsibility for the film's success! He should've gone for it! If he had I might be saying Best Supporting Oscar Nom!!! The part had potential! I'm just sayin. Oh well.

That all said, I go back to my original diagnosis that Baby Mama is a good film with a few laughs and a happy ending. It's not award winning, in fact it flies in that airspace between great and bad. It's good. It should be seen if you're in the mood and probably will be on DVD but really won't make much of a blip on the 'Hits' radar, and that's fine. I think both Poehler and Fey have many more great things coming for them. I expect a few truly funny chick-buddy-comedies before we've seen the last o' them.

In video stores now, rent Baby Mama when you want a sweet, funny buddy flick with a big heart and great performances which overshadow the material.

We all get in that mood sometimes, right?

I did!

Cloverfield -A Review 2.0-

2008-09-07T21:25:00.004-04:00

Okay, so the 2.0 in the title refers to the fact that I've reviewed this film here before. I think, however, that since my viewing experience has been quickened so too should my review. Be. Quickened.

*cough*

Toronto is in the grips of TIFF fever! (Great! Just as I recover from Summer-Sweepsitis!) The Toronto International Film Festival is in full swing and hundreds of films are being premiered, so I thought I'd revisit one that I enjoyed. That and I'm dirt poor and can't afford any screenings.

Cloverfield is good. It takes equal measures Blair Witch (shaky hand-held camera), The Host (mystery monster appears and invades major city), and 9/11 disaster documentary (New York's recent terrors being referred to more than once).

The cast of Cloverfield is mostly unknown, at least to me, though the role of Marlena was a pleasant reappearance of someone I didn't recognize; Lizzy Caplan! She played alterna-girl Janis Ian in 2004s Mean Girls opposite Lindsay Lohan! Too cool! You really respect her talent when you reflect on the Janis character and then see her as someone so different and equally convincing. It's like the powers that be haven't figured her out yet. She's good, and should be better known!

The story is pretty straightforward; a monster attacks Manhattan and a group of friends attempt to flee while trying to save another friend on the other side of the city. There are some good scares and effective emotional moments, as well as a few laughs thanks to chatty, erstwhile documentarian Hud (T.J. Miller), who just can't seem to shut the fuck up. It's okay though cos he's a charmer.

JJ Abrams (Bad Robot Productions) of Alias and Lost fame is the producer here, with Drew Goddard (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Alias, Lost) writing, and Matt Reeves (The Pallbearer) directing.

Fans of the thriller genre will enjoy this, as will anyone who likes a good disaster flick. Give it a shot.

Rottentomatoes.com averaged it at 77% Fresh, which is impressive for the genre! Even my boy Ebert loved it!

Iron Man -A Review-

2008-09-06T23:40:00.003-04:00

Best. Superhero movie. Ever.

Have you seen Iron Man yet?! NO!?!? What's your problem?!?!?!?!?!?!

Seriously, this was a kick-ass flick, and if you like superhero movies you'll LOVE this one.

The best thing I can say is that Gwyneth Paltrow (as the unfortunately named Pepper Potts) is not even remotely annoying. In fact she's understated and pretty good.

The most common thing I can say is what everyone is saying and thats that Robert Downey Junior is fantastic as Tony Stark. I hope his drug problems are behind him, cos RDJ is one of our finest actors living today and since we can assume the producers signed him to a multi-sequel deal we can look forward to Iron Man 2, 3 and so forth! Keep 'em comin'!!

Okay, here's the poop:

Tony Stark is an american weapons manufacturer and richer than god, and fucks more pussy than a cats-only kill shelter. He sips cognac while being driven by soldiers through a war zone. He's awesome. We love him. We want to be him. His house is bigger than Dolly Parton's tits. He's the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Well, it just so happens that while he's visiting Afghanistan he's captured and is forced to build a weapon of mass destruction, since that is his forte. He uses his enormous brain to construct instead a way to escape his Afghani captors. Bad-a-boom, bad-a-bing he's Iron Man, and he can save the world... or can he? BUT, someone else wants the power Tony Stark has, and they'll do anything to get it. Will they? Can they? Do they? When they?

Robert Downey Junior delivers another excellent performance as playboy Tony Stark. The man is gifted! If he could only keep the straw out of his nose!

Gwyneth Paltrow plays his assistant, Pepper Potts, and, as I said earlier, she's not annoying. In fact she's actually quite good.

The shocker for me was that Tony's partner Obidiah Stane was played by none other than Jeff Bridges! I had no idea! He looked nothing like himself, but he played the shit out of that character and he was fantastic! I LOVE Jeff Bridges so I was shocked that I didn't know it was him. Pleasantly shocked. :)

Rottentomatoes.com gave it a 93% Fresh rating based on 215 reviews, so that only backs me up!

I say, see this movie while you can, but if you can't, rent it starting September 30, 2008.

It's prolly better on the big screen but don't worry, you'll love it.

Salo -A DVD Re-Release-

2008-08-30T00:44:00.005-04:00

Well it's about bloody time! Pier Paolo Pasolini's final and most provocative film has been given new life by the fine people at Criterion, whose mission is to showcase great films that would otherwise be relegated to the alphatetized isles of HMV and the like. Salo, based on the Marquis de Sade's epic "120 Days Of Sodom" has been dusted off, polished up and assembled into a two-disc special edition complete with trailers, making-of docs, and a booklet of essays by Pasolini's contemporaries.

Why am I so excited about this re-release?

I first read about Salo in John Waters' book "Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters", lent to me by my gorgeous friend Kre. I can't thank her enough. In the book Waters lists films he loves and is influenced by, one of which is Salo. Upon reading the synopsis and Waters' critique I became obsessed with seeing this film; a task more difficult than I would've imagined.

First, Salo was banned in many countries after it's 1975 release. This meant that a DVD transfer was equally rare. So rare in fact that when I located a rental copy at a local arthouse film store I was told a $500 dollar deposit would be required.

I didn't pay the deposit. For god's sake my cat could've pissed on it by mistake and I'd be in a work camp for the next 12 months!

Without too many details I managed to see a copy and I was transformed! How could this film not be available to anyone with a whim to see it? I wrote emails to Criterion, the original DVD releasers, and begged them for a re-release. Not six months later an email arrived in my inbox informing me that Salo would be back in a special 2-disc edition in late August of 2008.

That email came in June. For three months I waited. The timing may have been coincidental, but I feel my email entreaties might've made a difference.

Anyway, I just finished watching it for the second time and as renowned theatre artist Neil Bartlett says in his essay "Watching Salo" (included in the accompanying booklet), "...to watch the film a second time, remember[...] that it's extraordinary detachment is actually underpinned by a profound fury."

Yeah, yeah, okay; here's the poop! (no foreshadowing intended!)

The film takes place in the village of Salo during the Nazi occupation of Italy in 1944. Four men; the Duke, the Magistrate, the Bishop, and the President (the Four Libertines), inter-marry their respective daughters to each other in a pact which serves as the starting ceremony for several days of debauchery at a private estate.

Four young men are kidnapped to be soldiers and are then ordered to capture nine young men and nine young women. They are then brought to a remote villa and enslaved by the so-called 4 Libertines to be used in a series of progressively more degrading and violent sexual acts.

Spurring on the twisted festivities are four middle-aged prostitutes, hired for their lewd storytelling abilities and intended to enflame the Libertines' passions.

No deviance is ignored. The Libertines' couplings are random; boys, girls, anal, oral, manual... and the scenarios are inspired by the tales told by the whores. At one point two of the captives, a male and a female, are encouraged to fuck, but just as quickly they are ordered to stop and two of the Libertines fuck them both instead. Later, after another whore tells childhood tales of fecophilia a forced banquet of feces is served to all.

Any captive unwilling to participate is written in a punishment book to be dealt with later, and harshly.

Lesser punishments are dealt with swiftly. Gurgle gurgle :)

Others are kept alive for "deflowering".

By the end of the film I had laughed, wretched, been in awe, been aroused, and ultimately was entranced (not necessarily in that order).

Because of it's controversial nature Salo went largely unseen upon it's release. College students might find it in arthouses or collectors might find it upon it's eventual first Criterion release. Otherwise it is considered one of the most shocking films never seen.

Nowadays shock is a dime-a-dozen. Horror is Hollywood and sex is a mouse-click away. What this film has that none of those others does is the shear beauty of Dante Ferretti's sets, Danilo Donati's luscious gowns and costumes, Ennio Morricone's evocative sounds, and of course Pasolini's vision.

The entire film takes place inside the villa, and we are less passive viewers as intimate accomplices. We might turn away, we may even cover our eyes, but we never press 'Stop' on the remote control. We are as curious as the driver who slows at a traffic accident to check for a mangled corpse. As curious as the watchers at an air-show who salivate, waiting for a crash. As curious as a virgin wondering to what extremes sexuality can go. Pasolini was as brave as Sade himself in presenting this glimpse into the sexuality that dare not speak it's name (to borrow from Lord Alfred Douglas).

Upon seeing this film for the second time I still feel inadequate to speak to it's themes, although I have my ideas with which I won't bore you. However one line, spoken by the Duke to one of the whores stands out;

"The limitation of love is that you need an accomplice. Your friend well knew that the Libertine's refinement lies in being at once executioner and victim."

There's your theme.

Salo or The 120 Days of Sodom is available in 2-Disc Special Edition DVD from Criterion.com.

Also see The 120 Days Of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade

Prom Night -A DVD Review-

2008-08-29T00:33:00.003-04:00

I love horror films, lemme just say that up front if it isn't yet clear to the newbies! A good slasher... A GOOD slasher will always be judged honestly by me. I'm not always looking for perfection in a slasher, nor am I necessarily looking for innovation. When I see a good horror film; filmed right, amped up with the right amount of tension, I love it and I'll sing it's praises.

I know I said the purpose of this website is to enlighten you to films you should see, regardless of the genre! I appreciate all types of film and therefore I want to tell you, dear reader, about the best of what's good.

However... sometimes big commercial films don't live up to snuff and were I to ignore them you might think I didn't see them and therefore you should take a chance.

Let me tell you about Prom Night!

This is a remake of a classic horror film with the intention of making an ingenue a star, and the threat of sequels (god forbid!).

Clearly the filmmakers were going for a Scary Movie type deal cos the set-up was everywhere; girl witnesses her parents killed, girl mostly recovers, girl is still young and sexy and in high school, girl is still up for some dress-tearing action, and then the dress tearing begins!!!!

Prom Night (2008) is a bloodless, passionless tribute to '80's slasher films. Were it a high school term paper it would score; D for lack of violence and graphic depiction of death in an era of Alexandre Aja films; B for tension, which was sometimes effective but only towards the end when I wasn't sure what would happen; B for acting as far as Brittany Snow (Hairspray) and Dana Davis (Heroes) go. They were good, it's the material that sucked. F for failing to make me really scared; I was too busy mapping out (correctly) where the film would go next.

I hate to say it, but avoid Prom Night 2008.

It's available on DVD now. Brittany Snow wants you to rent it, but she's coming from a biased place. I'm not. Don't go anywhere near this movie!

Ooh, I think that's making her hot...

I think she likes me trashing her...

Yeah, and she's a bitch too...

You like this trashing, Brittany?

"Johnny Kocktail, you make me so hot I don't know whether to rub my pussy or sneeze!"

Wow, that's a bit intense, but I'll say let's all have a good night and NOT see Prom Night.

"I don't care if they see it Johnny, I've never actually seen my clitoris before now, and I want you to have it!"

Well thanks Brittany Snow, but I'll wait for the british tabs, not that they're interested!

Thanks for coming, see you soon!

The Strangers -A Review-

2008-08-23T23:26:00.002-04:00

Lock your doors. Close your windows. This world is so full of people you have to consider that some of them are outside your home right now. Now, as you read this someone could very well be casing your home for a robbery. Or maybe they're just watching you because, as one of the baddies in this film says, "You're home."

The Strangers is an interesting film. The first and second act are VERY effective at creeping you out and even scaring you, to the point I yelled at one scene. The build-up is very well done and is sustained right up until the end. I'll leave it up to you, but I was disappointed by the end of this movie. Without making spoilers I'll just say that the hard-on this film had went flaccid. There was no money shot! Lemme do the shit: Kristen (Liv Tyler) and James (Scott Speedman) have just returned to their isolated country house after Kristen denied James' marriage proposal. He enlists a drunk friend to take him home after this romantic disaster which the two try not to talk about while they are alone in the house. There's a knock at the door. And then another. And another until we establish that someone or some group is fucking with them.

The three perps wear masks and they terrorize the couple under the opening credits' guise of "Based on a true story"; upon research this is a dubious claim.

First time director/writer Bryan Bertino does a great job of amping up the tension from the word Go! As the story moves along I was watching with wide eyes as the frightening events unfolded. Unfortunately when we reach endgame the production falls flat on it's face. Some might like it, but I was annoyed.

All great films have an organic feel to them; even horrors. In this case the pieces just didn't fall into place.

Liv Tyler was great, as was Speedman, but ultimately this pic couldn't be saved.

But that's just my opinion. Buy or rent this flick on October 21.

The idea was very Michael Haneke "Funny Games", but if you're choosing between "The Strangers" and the former I'd suggest renting the former.

The Strangers is, I think, a knee jerk reaction to Hanekes re-release of his original 97' masterpiece.

But thats just me.

Paranoid Park -A DVD Review-

2008-08-13T23:16:00.003-04:00

This is the latest release from Gus Van Sant, one of my favourite filmmakers. He wrote, directed and released it in 2007, based on the novel by Blake Nelson.

Paranoid Park follows the director's much lauded genius series "Death Trilogy", (Gerry, Elephant, and Last Days) the minimalist, almost Dogme-style trio of films which have cemented his style as a spare, emotional filmmaker with a penchant for stories told in a non-linear style.

Here's the shit:

Paranoid Park is about a young skateboarder who is involved in someones death and the guilt he tries to deal with as a result.

Once again Van Sant seems to employ as actors young people who come from the film's locales; inexperienced actors who bring a sense of realism to the story. At times this feels obvious, but not distractingly so. In fact it becomes almost charming watching these children interpret the lines written by people much older than themselves and attempt to imbue them with some meaning because, after all, they're supposed to know of what they read for the cameras.

Gabe Nevins is Alex in his first role as the young skater in trouble. He's very effective as a child in a very grown-up (not so much anymore though, murder, is it?) situation. He is innocence personified and a quintissential teenager, at least as far as I can tell as I dodge their skateboards!

Another notable first is Jake Miller as Alex's best friend Jared. This kid has PRESENCE! He's in the film very little but his charisma is utilized to the extreme by Van Sant and you WILL hear about this kid again. Mark my words.

Now I'm no dumb-ass. You may not revere Gus Van Sant as I do. Let me help you out; probably his biggest main-stream movie was Good Will Hunting (allegedley written by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck of 'What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately fame), but he also directed To Die For with Nicole Kidman, and My Own Private Idaho with Keanu Reeves and the late, great River Phoenix.

Make no mistake Gus Van Sant has had a career and will continue to do so, and it feels like he's hit his artistic stride; stories told in a non-traditional fashion, focusing on the emotional aspects, incorporating eclectic musical scores, and sticking to the fucken basics. It'll be interesting to see how he incorporates his vision into the upcoming Harvey Milk biography starring Sean Penn. It should be released in the fall of '08, and will be his first commercial film since 2000's Finding Forrester.

And in case you didn't know the film is about pioneering gay-rights activist Harvey Milk. Look him up. I'm really looking forward to this film!

But back to Paranoid Park! I know I spent alot of time talking about the director instead of the film, but this is a beautiful, sensitive film about being a kid. Forget the death. Paranoid Park made me see the world through my 15 year old eyes and I missed it. The difficult, confusing emotions, the... god, just how fucking hard it was to say what you wanted to say. I loved this film. I hope you will too. Rent it; it's at your stupid Blockbusters or Rogers store now.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall -A Review-

2008-08-10T00:34:00.002-04:00

There's been a revolution in the date-movie genre and things are only getting better! Where the story was always slanted to the weepy and girly, and men had to tuck their balls between they're legs, now the boys can proudly enter a cinema with a lady and laugh his ass off at the funny parts and be comfortable while his woman cries at the romantic shit. Except now the guy is interested in the romantic shit! And the girl can laugh at the toilet humour! Everyone's happy and they go home and have satisfying sex. Society is back on track. Okay, that may be going a bit far, but the future will recognize Judd Apatow as a groundbreaking filmmaker who started quietly and snuck up behind us to challenge our view of the 'date movie' and attempt to show us some common ground. Case in point; Knocked Up. Writer/Director Apatow brings us the story of a loser dude and a winner chick who drunkenly make love only to accidentally concieve a child. They have their ups and downs. Do they make it work? Let me just say both the dudes and the chicks are satisfied. Lots of fart humour, lots of pot smoking, and lots of realistic-feeling romance.

Of course before that there was the phenom Superbad. A couple of horny teens trying to score booze for a party find love. Aww. Everyone's happy!

Now look at Forgetting Sarah Marshall!

Written by star Jason Segel, and produced by Apatow, the story is about lovable schlub Peter (Segel), and his girlfriend Sarah (Kristen Bell). One day out of the blue Sarah breaks up with Peter and he's devestated. On the advice of his half-brother (played to the hilt by Bill Hader) Peter goes to a Hawaiian resort he once heard mentioned by Sarah, only to find she's staying there with her new boyfriend, rockstar Aldous Snow (the hysterically over the top British comedian Russel Brand). At first they clash, but with the help of a sympathetic hotel desk girl (Mila Kunis at her anti-That 70's Show-best!) he manages to unwind, have fun, and fall in love again. But does he fall in love? And with who? Peter is torn between his budding feelings for Rachel (Kunis), and his unresolved feelings for Sarah.

The result is as natural as it is surprising. This is where the Apatow Revolution shows it's colours! As much as you grow to care for all these characters you never know where they'll end up until they tell you. Noone is demonized, with one possible exception, but I'll spare the spoiler! In the end I felt like everyone was where they should be, which is unusual for a date movie. They're supposed to be so formulaic aren't they? Or was this a lad's comedy? Goofy and offensive in all the right ways... uhm, ending the way the dude would want! YEAH!!

Fuck it. Just enjoy. Maybe we're moving into a new era of comedy where Mike Myers doesn't get to make the same movie over and over and still be succesful. Yeah, I laughed at the Austin Powers movies. And then I saw The Love Guru. *sigh*

I think, with Apatow's influence, young people's comedies are moving in a positive direction, and I'll happily follow along as a former young person who is actually the current age of the dudes writing this stuff! Maybe Generation X is good for something after all!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall hits the streets on Sept. 30, '08. You might still find it in limited theatres.

Doomsday -A DVD Review-

2008-08-07T22:19:00.002-04:00

I'm a sucker for this type of movie, but I won't be fucked with. In the genre of end-of-the-world type films this one is one of the best I've seen.

Doomsday, written and directed by Neil Marshall, is a great example of what can happen if you take the best bits of action films, zombie films (this is NOT a zombie film!), and thrillers and mix them with hardcore violence and a touch of drama. Heads roll! Literally!!! Over and over!!!!

Let's get right to it; it's 2008 and a virus has killed most of the population of Scotland. The U.K., in response to the ensuing anarchy, has quarantined the entire country behind a giant wall and the military guards this wall with iron fists. The virus MUST be contained at all costs.

Flash forward to 2035 and the virus has threatened to resurface in London. The Prime Minister has decided to send a military team into Glasgow to find the last survivors, among whom is a doctor reputed to be the only man who can find a cure. The team, headed by Major Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), is told if they can't find said cure then don't come back. As the narrator tells us, "it's medieval up there!". It sure as fuck is! Many more survived than expected and they've started from scratch, creating a brutal, cannibalistic culture of punk rock types, circa 1970. I'm talkin' mohawks, pins in noses, dance parties (!), very pseudo Mad Max.

Crazy non-stop action ensues in pursuit of the good doctor, played by a menacing Malcolm McDowell. No spoilers here.

Doomsday was made in 2008 and was just released on DVD. I don't know if you heard of it but I didn't. I wish I had cos I'd have seen it sooner!

Rottentomatoes.com gave it a well deserved (for the genre) 48%.

Here's the shit; the story unfolds in quick, neat and complete scenes which move always forward. The premise is explained quickly but in enough detail that you know what you're getting into. When we fast-forward to the future, which is most of the movie, we are again brought up to speed efficiently before all hell -and MUCH action- breaks loose. And when I say 'much action', I mean me leaning forward with one hand over my mouth and the other clutching my armrest kinda 'much action'.

Rhona Mitra (The Number 23, Skinwalkers), is at first a bit affected as the rebel-with-nothing-to-lose Maj. Sinclair but quickly becomes the rock hard hero you cheer for under your breath so as not to miss anything onscreen. She has no problem sword fighting, kick-boxing, chopping, slicing, climbing, jumping, you name it! She kicks ass! Her character development exists wholly offscreen; in the prologue when her mother leaves her as a child to be saved by the military, sacrificing herself. It's a beautiful scene and had me hooked. As an adult she doesn't have any more redeeming qualities except that you're rooting not so much for her but for her to accomplish her mission. And the fact that she's an effective leader of her team. Mostly.

The body count is high, and all the deaths are fun. Some outright twisted! The special effects are so good that at several points I gasped out loud amazed that what I was watching was just a movie. The scene in the train station when the biker flips over the turnstiles is so messed up I can't believe noone died making this picture! The violence is very graphic. The action -from fight scenes with swords to car chases- is really well done. It's like you just sat down in a rollercoaster and someone tells you a kid was killed on this ride last week. You know it should be safe but you're still scared shitless and enjoying it at the same time. Or was it just me?

Rent this movie NOW if you like good action/thrillers!

Thats it for this review. I might go watch it again!

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose -A DVD Review-

2008-08-06T21:41:00.002-04:00

Yeah, okay I realize I'm not exactly on the forefront of film reviews if I keep doing DVDs, but a lot of people like myself haven't seen many of the films in theatre so I'm trying to wade through what's worth seeing.

As for Emily...

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose is not a bad film. Rottentomatoes.com gives it a surprising 44% based on 149 reviews. Not bad. Plus my guy Roger Ebert gaves it his patented 'Thumbs Up'! Wa-wa-wee-wow!

I liked it. It gave me the creeps and worked almost like a textbook version of a supernatural thriller "based on a true story". Aside from the performances of Laura Linney (always fantastic!) and Tom Wilkinson (Oscar's workhorse) the whole affair was fun and engaging at the time but ultimately forgettable.

First, some perspective; any film, especially one based on supernatural events, LOVEs to tag it "based on a true story". In this case the word "based"'s meaning is looser than the underpants of someone, possibly a woman, who has recently had liposuction surgery but has not yet bought new underpants. It's pretty loose!

I'll include a link to the Wikipedia entry here, but basically a young, devout German girl named Anneliese Michel with psychiatric disturbances decided that her depression was a result of demonic possession and asked to be exorcised by a priest. That priest, in concert with her parents performed said ritual and later the girl died, the official autopsy declaring "malnutrition and dehydration" after almost an entire year of starvation due to the exorcism.

Now, to The Exorcism Of you-know-who...

Emily Rose's story is told in courtroom flashbacks, as the trial of the priest alleged to be responsible for negligence in her death is on trial. We are given various medical reasons for her death by the state prosecution, and the defense, sponsored by the archdiocese, is flailing to offer a succesful albeit conservative defense. They fear revelations about the use of exorcisms in this day and age would be an embarrassment. Gee, really?

The defense attorney, Erin Bruner, played by the incredible Laura Linney, is mired in her own problems as her flagship case won just months earlier in defense of a murderer has been shown to be a sham. He has killed again upon his release. Uh-oh! And a partnership at her firm is riding on this win! All she has to do is win the case without putting the priest on the stand. Simple enough, right? Of course all he wants is to tell Emily's story on the stand, so immersed is he in his belief system.

An interesting trial ensues though mired in minor plot-holes that any trained lawyer would've driven through with a Mack truck. However the tension was maintained at just the right level to let those minor imperfections pass almost unnoticed.

Some superficial questions were asked; do you believe in the spiritual realm? Even if you don't, do you believe someone else might so passionately that it could lead to their death? Does that passionate belief validate the argument for the spiritual?

All is well and good, but at the end of the day The Exorcism Of Emily Rose was a very good attempt at a fascinating story. I'd recommend seeing it for the hell of it, like if you can't find anything else at the video store (I hate when that happens!). Otherwise, see the obvious first choice, The Exorcist. Even if you've seen it before. Otherwise see this. It isn't horrible, it just isn't great.

P.S. I read that a more faithful version of Anneliese Michel's story was told in the German Requiem. I have not seen it. Yet. It is currently available on amazon.com as is The Exorcism Of Emily Rose.

Stay -A DVD Review-

2008-08-03T23:16:00.002-04:00

There's nothing I hate more than a predictable film. This is not one.

Stay, directed by Marc Forster (Finding Neverland, Monster's Ball) and starring Ewan McGregor, Naomi Watts, and Ryan Gosling is a mind-bending thriller on par with some of the greatest thrillers of the past ten years.

I've seen three other films that, while viewing, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I thought maybe I was asleep and dreaming the insanity I saw onscreen because of it's otherworldliness. Those films are David Lynch's Mulholland Drive, Christopher Nolan's Memento, and Brad Anderson's The Machinist. Stay is so unsettling and beautiful I would rank it up there with the previous mentioned films because I know it will stay with me for a long time.

Here's the deal; Ewan McGregor plays a psychiatrist who takes on a patient previously treated by a colleague who has taken time off for 'exhaustion'. The patient, Ryan Gosling, is a student of art who has decided to commit suicide in three days. McGregor must save the boy before he follows through on the threat at the cost of his own sanity. The stakes are slightly higher for him because his girlfriend, Naomi Watts, attempted suicide years earlier, and so he wants desperately to intervene in Henry's (Gosling's) case.

The film is visually stunning. Scene transitions are done so artfully and creatively, and special effects are used not to make stunts more believable but to enhance the background. The result is stunning!

Although perhaps thin, the story is engrossing with help from the visuals. That aspect is what makes this a truly genius film for me, because all aspects of the filmmaking process are relied upon equally.

One thing I couldn't help notice is that the principal cast is all foreigners playing americans, with the exception of Gosling, whose Canadian accent isn't an issue. Ewan McGregor is Scottish, Watts is Australian, and Bob Hoskins (who appears in a small but pivitol role) is English. They all cover american accents flawlessly.

McGregor's performance is typically brilliant, and the rest more than add to the perfection.

This film isn't for everyone. Rottentomatoes.com gave it a sad 26%, but Roger Ebert, in whom's opinion I place great stock, said, "When the movie is over, and we know all that is to be known, it deserves some thought." He gave the film three and a half stars.

As Henry, Gosling is a tragic figure, tormented by voices and images of the carcrash that killed (?) his parents. He is a sad boy tortured by his mind and wholly believable at all times. I wanted to cry for him more than once. As Lila, Watts is newly healthy after a failed suicide attempt. She's dating Sam (McGregor), and persuing her career as an artist. Her character is sad, but strong, and she gives the film a soft, beating heart. McGregor is Sam, a psychiatrist used to treating rich people for depression suddenly faced with a suicidal student and although not out of his league he's certainly challenged. Henry asks how to tell the difference between reality and the voices in his head, and Sam thinks he can explain. He soon realizes he doesn't know how to answer. Brilliance ensues.

Again, I don't recommend this film for everyone, but if you like any of the films I mentioned in the first paragraph you might want to give this a try.

I expect big things from director Marc Forster. He's a fucking genius when it comes to putting together a film. I can't wait for his next film. I'll be looking.

This film was released in 2005 and made no blip on my radar. I saw the video cover at my local news agent and picked it up for the cast. Don't make the same mistake. Seek it out. It'll blow yer mind!

Funny Games U.S.A. -A DVD Review

2008-08-01T23:22:00.004-04:00

If you're like me you hate the idea of a foreign film being remade just to cater to american audiences. "Lazy americans can't appreciate a good film if they have to read subtitles!" I felt the same way when I heard Funny Games was being remade from the original German. I thought "Crap! Another import that should've been treated better than it will be by Hollywood!" I was wrong for several reasons.

First of all, the original was written and directed by Austrian filmmaker Michael Haneke, director of the excellent french language Cache, starring Juliette Binoche. If you saw it, you don't know what you're in for here.

Well, the remake is done shot-for-shot by the man himself and loses nothing in translation.

As the story goes a couple and their young son travel to the lake to spend their vacation boating and playing golf with friends. When a polite young man shows up on their doorstep asking to borrow eggs the wife tries to accomodate him, but clearly, once he's been joined by his companion, the visitor has more on his mind than eggs. What ensues is a vicious, psychological series of games meant to torture and frighten the family.

Why does it work?

One of the reasons this film (and the original) is so effective is thanks to the director. I'm sure he holds the Danish principles of Dogme 95 at high esteem. Long, single, lingering shots are respected, as is the idea of not using an ambient soundtrack. Instead all music and sound are rooted in the moment. There's no building crescendo when something bad is about to happen as a cue to the audience, instead it just fucking happens.

Second, the lighting is realistic. In one scene one of the characters says "it's too dark" and he turns on a light to illuminate that which before was only a shadowy secret.

Now if you're a strict adherent to the Dogme 95 manifesto you'll find fault with this film, but I only said I believe Haneke thought about it. I don't think he tried to use it wholly.

Third, the pacing is intentionally slow. I'm biased to films like this (see my reviews of Gus Van Sant!) especially when they unfold as quickly and realistically as Funny Games U.S.A. There's more time for character development and tension, both of which this film has in spades.

The theme of male impotence is strong here. I imagine any man watching this film can relate to Tim Roth's character, and any woman to Naomi Campbell's character for different and similar reasons. Both are strong characters but their roles are turned on their ears and we as an audience are forced to confront the roles of protector and victim in ways no other film has done in recent memory. We're left frightened, humiliated, powerless, and looking to both protaganists to do... something! Anything!

Without spoiling, theres a scene 3/4s through where one victim asks the other for forgiveness. Heartbreaking!

Funny Games U.S.A. is available on DVD now. Rent it. It's better than most of the manufactured crap that poses as 'thriller' out there.

Also see Haneke's Cache. If you can read the subtitles you'll be fine, and you'll see a wicked film.

If you're interested in learning more about Dogme 95, go here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogme_95

The Happening - A Movie Review

2008-07-27T22:16:00.004-04:00

UPDATE 8.3.08: DVD release set for 10.7.08 Enjoy!

M Night Shyamalan is back, thank god! The Happening, starring Mark Whalberg and Zooey Deschanel, is an atmospheric, deeply disturbing thriller about an environmental catastrophe which causes its victims to commit suicide.

Now after the disappointment of Lady In The Water, sadly unsaved even by the talents of Paul Giamatti, I thought Shyamalan had lost it. Then I saw The Village, which was a profound disappointment, moreso for it's effective set-up and laughable 'twist' ending, which for Shyamalan is becoming a calling card. Fortunately there is no such twist here. Instead you get an incredibly creepy, moody film that manages to engage.

First off, the performances by Whalberg and Deschanel are great. They bring believability to their roles as ambivalent newlyweds forced to rely on each other under horrible circumstances.

The writing is good because despite the sometimes slow pace things are always moving forward. Even the slowness works here, because it seems necessary to make the bizarre plausible. We get some breathing room in between the scares, of which there are a few good ones. Very few scenes don't work, with the noticeable exception of the Zoo scene. Don't look for it, it's a blip on the radar, but a blip that made me role my eyes. You'll notice it, don't worry.

That aside, when the credits rolled I was staring at the screen bathing in the (here's that word again) creepiness of it.

I think it wouldn't be too far off to compare this to some of the better zombie films, like the recent 28 Days Later. Something is affecting people and killing them, but in this case they stay dead. I also couldn't help thinking more than once about Radiohead's video for their single Just. I wouldn't be surprised to learn Shyamalan's opening sequences were inspired by the video.

I've really been in love with Gus Van Sant's Death Trilogy; Gerry, Elephant, and Last Days, because of the director's spare, minimalist style. Shyamalan has a touch of that same sorta vibe here, in that he allows the story to unfold instead of ramming it down our throats. That said, The Happening isn't as meditative as the aforementioned, but it does allow for some thoughtfulness on the viewers end.

I found The Happening hypnotic and engrossing, with some good scares and shocking deaths. Unfortunately most critics didn't agree, with rottentomatoes.com offering a surprising 13%. However two critics whom I respect gave it their trademarked "thumbs up"; Richard Roeper and Roger Ebert.

I think the problem most critics prolly had was an especially high level of expectation, given the disasters of Shyamalan's two previous films.

I hope this signals a return to form for Shyamalan, a director with an obvious sixth sense for atmospheric horror. (pun intended. sorry.)

Final thought: see this film if you want to get totallyweirded out.

Still in theatres, no word on a DVD release date.

Movies To Avoid!

2008-07-13T14:58:00.002-04:00

I saw 2 movies this week that I would advise you NOT to see...

1. The Love Guru. It's fine, but the time has come and gone. It might've worked 10 years ago but now? Meh.

2. If you haven't seen The Village yet, don't. Truly one of the WORST movies I've ever had the misfortune of watching. I can't even begin to describe how much I hated this movie. SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!! Kay? Kay.

Tonight I'm gonna watch a doc called 101 Rent Boys. Loves the male prossies!!

Post Pride Wrap

2008-07-01T12:25:00.002-04:00

I could barely get out of bed yesterday. I'm still a bit tender today, but it's Canada Day and I'll be hiding in the box office. I doubt we'll get many calls.

Okay, so I started Pride day by sleeping till 1:30pm. Made my way dwntwn and hooked up with JA and some people at ground zero: Church and Wellesley intersection! We made our way north on Church to a beer garden (oh if only such a garden actually existed!) where I met H+M for cold brews while JA and the others went to a nearby resto for food. We lost touch after a brief goodbye on their way out of the restaurant. After consuming many rounds and getting a decent buzz on we went north to a Firkin pub for eats where we were joined by DD and L! Food took forever to arrive but it was understandable since close to a million people were in the dwntwn core!

After that we met with G+S at their apt where they were relaxing with drinks before going to one of the leather events at the Guvernment Club. We were there for about an hour or so and I have to admit I flirted shamelessly with JfromOhio. What the hell, I got some kisses out of it;)

After that we hit the streets again. H+M went back to their 'hood, L went home and DD and I went to another local highrise, this time his friend RB. This is where things got a bit wild. Much scotch was consumed and there was a generally playful attitude. I was officially drunk. The three of us chatted and goofed around until it was TIME TO GO. In other words, I was reaching the limits of my ability to focus my eyes and instinctively knew it was time.

Incredible I didn't take a cab. I was able to catch a streetcar fairly quickly and must've slept all the way home. This is when living at the end of the line comes in handy! After that your guess is as good as mine. I woke up Monday afternoon feeling worse than I can remember in a long time.

Have a I learned a lesson? Time will tell.

Slasher Marathon!!

2008-06-21T19:17:00.004-04:00

Tonight I'm gonna forget my troubles by watching some mindless horror! Rottentomatoes says that Dead End 2 is really good so I'm gonna give it and it's predecessor a go.

In other news, I went out with the gang last night and we ended up in the Village, which was fun cos I haven't been to a gay bar in sooo long. Of course it also made me self-conscious about my buzzed hair and soft gut. Some of those guys are wild! Toronto has some good looking faggots!! And of course Woody's has the hottest bartenders. Then we went to H's friend's place cos he lives around the corner from Church St. Their all into the bear/leather scene and I love hanging out with them because they look big and fat and hairy and intimidating but in fact they're the sweetest people. One guy in particular was a riot! When we left he gave me a hug and a kiss and whispered, "you have such a great energy!" Adorable, right?! H and I are gonna hang with them on Pride Day next weekend.
Maybe I'll post some photos from the festivities.

This Week So Far

2008-06-16T13:02:00.002-04:00

I got the results of some blood tests back this morning and I have an incredibly high level of Iron in my blood! This is supposed to lead to more tests now. I don't mind having blood taken, in fact I kinda enjoy watching the red stuff spraying outta my vein into the tube. It's nothing morbid, I just find it fascinating. But to make it a regular thing is pushing it. Not to mention this still doesn't solve the mystery of the pain in my chest.
Jesus, I sound like an old man!

Checkin' In

2008-06-06T12:09:00.002-04:00

Well so much for my plans to start posting regularly again! My home computer died and now I only have internet on my lunch breaks at work. (anyone wanna buy me a Mac?)
Not much is going on. I'm not getting sex and it's really got me tense. The ol' five-knuckle shuffle just ain't doing the trick anymore. Then again I don't go out much so that doesn't help matters.
Summer is finally here, so that makes me happy.
Otherwise I'm quite boring right now.

Maybe I need to interview hustlers.

Where was I?

2008-05-21T16:22:00.002-04:00

I've only got a few minutes here, but I wanted to say that I freaking LOVE Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood!!! I saw it for the THIRD time on Sunday and I can't get enough of that damn movie!

Who agrees that Obama should be president? That guy rocks me! But I'm just a canuck. What do you yanks think about the whole sitchy-ation?

Where the heck'v I been?!

2008-05-20T17:29:00.002-04:00

Aww, I miss my little blog! I've been gone so long!!

It's a year later. Stuck in teh same lame-ass job. Back up to full strength on the effexor (I went kinda mad for a bit during the weaning-off process!). Dated and then dumped a really cool guy.

I have to leave work, but remind me to rant about how retarded scientologists are. Cult cult cult.

We'll catch up soon,
x

Yeah, the tension is high

2007-04-15T03:17:00.000-04:00

still tapering off the meds... haven't gone down a notch yet but I think I'll do it tomorrow.
Just like that.
Meanwhile I found some inspiring web pages! Nothing to do with brain drugs, but everything to do with the brain. The amazing actor Joseph Gordon Levitt has a cool page at www.hitrecord.org
And through that site I found an equally intelligent and creative site made by his brother, the fire-dancer/poet/photog Dan Gordon Levitt http://www.burningdan.net/.

As for the Effexor withdrawal, hey, I'll let you know. I don't know how long it'll take but soon I'll be drug free.
I'll be clean!

Suddenly

2007-03-30T01:40:00.000-04:00

I'm not happy.

I'm sure nobody reads this anymore as I haven't updated in a long while.
I can speak freely to those unfortunates who find this by chance.
I've started tapering back on my anti-depressants and I know I'm going through some weird changes but I want everything to be fine. I want to taper off and be... normal, whatever the fuck that is.
I went from 100 to 75 of the Effexor. A full quarter! Last week, a few days after I started the new dose I had a bizarre ... something. My left arm tingled all over and my heart skipped two beats and I had to struggle to breathe through the anxiety. It scared the shit outta me. I was working with people who know me as a sarcastic smartass and they paid little attention, thank god, but inside I thought I was actually having a heart attack. It felt like what you read. And then I thought about how I decreased my dose and it suddenly made sense and I calmed down. But I'll tell you: I was genuinely afraid for a few moments in a way that no scary movie has ever made me feel. And the effect was definitely physical; theres no doubt I felt it. In a few months I'll be off this drug which suddenly looks evil to me despite the fact I know it saved my life.
And its already difficult to sleep.
I wonder whats gonna happen next week when I cut back another twenty-five percent.
I will get off this drug. I will be drug free.
But if the side effects of quitting are to scary, will I increase again?
I won't. No matter what, I have to get off this shit. It's really starting to fuck me up.

2007-03-02T02:16:00.000-05:00

Calvaire - A DVD Review

2007-03-02T01:50:00.000-05:00

The french word 'Calvaire' means 'the ordeal'. What our hero goes through is indeed an ordeal. What the viewer goes through is a fucking ordeal.
Lemme break this down.This is a creeped out movie with some issues. Now, I love horror flicks, especially when they freak me out, but this is different.
This is a horror with some artsy leanings, and thats okay, cos the director seems to revel in the artistry of all that is scary... no, Creepy. He creates a creepy fucking movie. The darkness, the dialogue, it's all creepy as hell.
What works in this movie is the visuals. It looks scary from frame one. Every shot seems composed from some sick nightmare. A guy looking out the window after just waking up takes on so many freaky layers... I can't describe!

I was expecting a shocker when I watched this, but in fact it's an artsy horror film.
Is it scary? The atmosphere says 'yes'.
Is it gory? no.
Is it good? YES.
Settle in to this one with no expectations. This is a ride, so keep your arms in.
The last french horror I saw was Haute Tension, and it satisfied on way more basic levels than this one.
The difference is the gore.
Calvaire has minimal gore, but psychologically it's fucked up.
Haute Tension was fucked up AND had the gore.
It's all about your limits.

That said, I recommend Calvaire to anyone who wants to be creeped the fuck out, without the blood.

Ultimately, as a gore fan in intelligent films I was dissapointed, but I still feel compelled to recommend this film.

Tell me what you think.

Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing - DVD Review

2007-02-20T23:04:00.000-05:00

Different movies are important for different reasons, and documentaries are different from regular movies. A good documentary will inspire, show you the other side, lead you by the hand through an issue or event and hopefully do so with enough intelligence that when you come through the other side you can make up your own mind about the issue at hand. Thats how I feel anyway.

Shut Up and Sing (1996) is, at my most cynical, an excellent 90 minute commercial for their latest studio album, Taking The Long Way, which has since it's release gone 2x platinum.
But as someone who was never a fan of country music and therefore not bothered by the Chicks' controversy, at least in its earlier stages, I didn't go into this film as a staunch supporter of the band. The cause they represent in the film, freedom of speech, is important to me as a writer. The story of the Chicks was, well, another story.

This film was first and foremost edited so well! We zig-zag back and forth through time from the early days of lead singer Natalie Maines' comments about G.W. Bush at a 2003 concert in London, to the fallout a year and two later, to the writing, recording, and eventual touring in support of the album meant to redeem them in 2006.
What's good about having a great editor for your doc is that people remain interested enough in the subject matter to keep an open mind all the way through. Too often documentaries are filled with lulling moments of dull introspection and talking head revelations that ultimately contribute nothing to the project. What works so well here is that there is nothing extraneous about this project. Every moment we spend with the Chicks is used with purpose. Every candid clip advances the emotional agenda of what is for most people an emotional topic. The freedom to speak one's mind is taken for granted by too many people, myself included. I don't have spin doctors telling me the most effective way to phrase an insult so as to achieve the greatest injury to someone elses reputation. Politicians have such spin doctors, and so does big media.
In a war of honest discourse versus expensive propaganda, the money always seems to win.
But now let me give them their props.
Not only do they come off in the film as good, sweet, strong ladies with big ol' brains in their beautiful heads, but they come off as human. The way they stand together as an unquestionably united front and never just 'shut up and sing' is so inspiring and empowering for the everyday guy like me. It was their integrity and willingness to take risks in the face of such baffling opposition that made me appreciate them for what they went through. And I wanna thank them for it, cos they took a lot of shit.
And if to some the film is nothing more than a glorified commercial for their album, well, it's a great fucking album. If you don't agree with their politics you gotta agree with their talent.
But really; history has acquitted them anyway, so why should they worry?
DVD extras are sparse, but the film speaks for itself so I don't think any are necessary.
The film is The Dixie Chicks: Shut Up And Sing
The album is Taking The Long Way
Check em both out.

Cache (Hidden) - A DVD Review

2007-02-17T23:33:00.000-05:00

After several minutes of reflection, and some degree of informed but mitigated confusion I'm left confidant in the belief that Hollywood could never have made this film. Imagine all the La-La-wood producer phone monkeys, and power-lunch-taking studio heads reading the comment cards from the test audiences culled from the corners of Hollywood and Vine with the promise of a thrilling tagline, and saying, "what we need is a punchier ending", or, "I get it, but will the audience get it". I shudder to think. No, this is a french film. By which I only mean it was made in France.

Written and directed by Michael Haneke,and released in 2005, it's the story of a husband and wife being terrorized by the delivery to their home of videotapes showing them being surveilled by an unknown cameraman.

This is a great character study first and foremost.
Prolific french actor Daniel Auteuil (Sade) is Georges Laurent, host of a literary panel discussion program on public television. He is arrogant and stoic, and handles his bizarre situation with all the staid restraint of a man clearly in denial of his past.
Crossover french legend Juliette Binoche (Chocolat, The English Patient) is his wife Anne, the strong, outspoken but deceptively helpless mother of a pubescent son, Pierrot played by young Lester Makedonsky.

The film begins as the couple reviews a videotape; the first of several which are anonymously delivered to their home. On it they see several hours of their front door being watched by an unblinking eye. As they leave for work earlier in the day their movements are filmed and when they return home, voila, a tape to show they've been watched. Why? Who would do such a thing? Clearly it must be a joke, until more tapes arrive from different locales, all showing locations and acts very personal to the principals and accompanied by notes depicting crude but frightening drawings which leave the couple baffled... mostly.

Hints are dropped throughout about a motive for the stalking, from possible infidelity to repressed sexual longing, to good ol' fashioned revenge, but what's most compelling is the immediacy of guilt when one is confronted with what could be perceived as evidence. Evidence of what? Thats the rub. Is someone guilty of something? And if so, what? And if not, why feel guilty? But we do.
I think it's automatic, for me anyway, to feel guilty when confronted before even knowing what the charge is. Confrontation is scary, and now-a-days can convict even without base. Once people hear you're accused you may as well have done the crime.
What's interesting about this film is figuring who, if anyone, is guilty of something, and if they are, what is it they're guilty of?

Which brings me back to my initial assertion that this could never be a 'Hollywood' film. This isn't about resolution. And it's not about motivation. To me it's about how pervasive information has become. If you wanna know anything you turn on the news or look at the web. Someone somewhere is watching you, and wants to tell your story whether you're complicit in the telling or not. There are no laws against voyeurism anymore; not practical ones anyway. There's nothing you can do to stop someone videotaping you and letting everyone you know sneak a peek. But I digress...

Technically this is a cool, minimalist approach to the thriller genre. The amazing acting and super-tight editing move an otherwise quiet film along at a pace that allows reflection along with shock. Tension is built but not milked, and drama is felt but not dwelled upon to the point of becoming maudlin.

For me personally, I think about relationships and how much you know about the people closest to you, whether its the teenage son making you feel hated (but not really), or the lover you've grown comfortable with (too comfortable).

See this film without expectations. Don't ask it to entertain or thrill you; just watch it and enjoy it, and when it's over tell me what you thought. I loved it.
Not in a 'jumping outta my seat' kinda way, but in a 'film can be a great teacher' kinda way.
Does that make sense?

Cupid Captures King of the Jungle...

2007-02-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

...or at least of All Media!

Veteran broadcaster, actor, writer and satellite radio pioneer Howard Stern has delivered probably one of the biggest shocks of his career. No small feat for the most fined radio host in the history of the FCC! On his Sirius show this morning Howard announced he was engaged to his long-time girlfriend, model and tv presenter Beth Ostrosky. The surpising aspect of this revelation is that Stern has vehemently denied he'd ever marry again after divorcing his first wife of 20 years in 2000. Stern had even bet co-host Robin Quivers that were he to ever marry he'd pay her $1 milion, a bet Quivers recently forgave in exchange for an invitation to the ceremony. Did she know something?
Stern said this morning his fans could expect a long engagement, but in light of this shock who knows what to expect? One thing is certain; after all these years and in spite of everything we've seen, the King of All Media proves he can still deliver the shocks.

Superman Returns - A Review and other stuff

2007-02-08T01:22:00.000-05:00

First things first: Superman Returns is a kick-ass movie! The special effects are amazing, the story is barely acceptable, and the acting is just fine. Brandon Routh is fucking HOT! I challenge any gay man or straight woman not to fuck him, given a chance.
-okay-

On to my day.
I woke up the way I nomally do; worrying about how I'm gonna pay whatever bill is making my phone ring.
Today I'm paying my bills. Thank you Bernice Grant. For now. No, she isn't dead. When she is you'll know. You'll hear my creditors cheering.
But tomorrow you won't hear my phone ringing.
And I'll slink back into whatever pit I crawled out of.

Alles gut.

gute nacht.

2007-02-06T23:44:00.000-05:00

Karla -A Review-

2007-02-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Okay I realize the last two weren't very articulate but I was starting to get frustrated with the crap I was seeing. But this time I have a few more words.

I just watched Karla, a thriller based on the case of the so-called Ken and Barbie Killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. Paul was revealed to be the Scarborough Rapist, having raped and terrorized countless young women, and along with Karla raped and murdered at least three teenage girls, one of whom was Karla's younger sister Tammy.
The case was brutal and disturbing not least because the rapes themselves were videotaped and shown to the jury during trial. Official word is that the videotapes have since been destroyed, but author Stephen Williams' compelling book Invisible Darkness contains several passages describing the contents of the videos which landed him in hot water with the authorities.
And then there's the extra creep factor of the crimes having been committed in a small, friendly town just south of Toronto and within earshot of the tourist-heavy Niagara Falls.

The film Karla is told in a series of flashbacks by Karla, (Laura Prepon) as she is evaluated for possible parole by her psychiatrist, Dr. Arnold (Patrick Bauchau). Written and directed by Joel Bender we learn how Karla met, fell in love with and finally married the man whom even before they were engaged she was aware was a rapist. Paul Bernardo (Misha Collins) is depicted as a soulless Sociopath, prone to violent mood-swings and manipulation. As played by Collins Bernard is convincing if a little wimpy for someone so violent. He rarely raises his voice, even while trying to convince his victims to participate in the most heinous acts. I don't know if Collins was going for a Hannibal Lecter-esque characterization, but Lecter is fiction; Bernardo is a real man. And Collins, though he does a good job here, is no Anthony Hopkins.
Karla as played by Prepon is 1-part psychopath, 1-part victim. Ultimately though Bender seems to favour Homolka's version of events for his story. Sure, she drugged, raped and killed her baby sister, and she was present for the kidnapping, torture, murder and disposal of at least two others, but it was Paul's fault. She only played along. If it was good enough for the courts, it seems good enough for Bender.
There's one significant difference however. When Karla was busy convincing the Crown she was as much a victim of Bernardo as the others, noone knew about the videotapes which detailed her considerable -and according to several jurors, enthusiastic- involvement. Bender had the luxury of knowing this and still chose to write his script painting Homolka with a very broad, sympathetic brush. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's only Prepon's layered and subtle performance that saves this from being an R-rated movie of the week. Barely. But she gets her props.

All in all I'd say I was mostly fascinated by this, but I think thats owed considerably to the fact that this happened in my own backyard, and also to the timing of the film's release which coincided with the real Homolka's release from prison.
If you're into true crime I'd give this one a chance, but I think it's specialized 'appeal' would explain it's extremely limited release more than would it's actual quality.

Look for it on DVD in early April, 2007.

Capsule Review -The Woods-

2007-02-05T01:32:00.001-05:00

It sucks.

Capsule Review - Lady In The Water-

2007-02-05T01:29:00.000-05:00

It sucked.

Pan's Labyrinth - A Review

2007-02-03T03:05:00.000-05:00

So I saw Pan's Labyrinth, and I was telling my cousin about it and she asked if I wrote a review on my blog, and I realized I hadn't.
So here it is.
I went in to this film with no preconceived ideas based on all the rave reviews. And yes, the reviewers are raving. Oscar is buzzing from the foreign language office and I know they hear it down the hall. It's gonna win. You heard it here.
This is a beautiful fairy tale about a girl being seperated from her mother and trying to cope with her step-father, and ultimately choosing to... well, thats up to you. Does she succumb to her reality or does she live her fantasy?
Ofelia's mother is pregnant and about to deliver any second, and Ofelia is a confused girl. The two travel to an outpost in northern Spain during the 1944 post-civil war to meet Ofelia's mother's new husband, the Captain Vidal, who is trying to rid the country of the militia. To call Vidal evil is to call Hitler a pot-stirrer. He is the quintessential bad guy, as portrayed by Sergi Lopez, renowned Spanish actor.
Ofelia, by the way, is played by 11-year old Ivana Baquero, who brings to mind Amelie's Audrey Taotau in her engaging charm. You love her right away.
But anyway...
The film itself is a fairy tale, in every sense of the word. The story is simple, the conceit is straightforward and the moral is delivered.
What sets this fairy tale apart is that its rendered in film form, and not only is it entertaining but as straightforward as the story is you never know whats gonna happen next. And all the fantastic elements are rendered in such a way as to be plausible in context.
Ofelia loves her mother, hates her step-father, and lives in a fantasy world to escape the horrors (enacted graphically!) of her life.
When I say her real life is graphic I shouldn't parenthesise, cos it's a pretty major aspect of the film. Her real life is horrible. The captain is abusive to Ofelia and her mother. Seriously, you have no idea.
Ofelia's fantasy life involves a quest; complete three tasks and claim immortality; so says Pan, otherwordly creature of the labyrinth.
Oh yeah, the labyrinth. It rests just outside the grounds of the captain's estate. Overgrown and ignored, it waits to be discovered by the princess of the underworld. Guess who?
What I like about this film is it's ambiguous ending. I won't give it away, but twists of modern thrillers be damned! This story delivers an honest ending and makes you think. (the horror!)
Highlights include: the blind monster with eyeballs in his hands, sewing up the injury, who is the white-haired woman, and the mandrake root.
Don't focus on these things, just enjoy them.
The one question you should ask yourself after seeing this film is; am I an idealist or a cynic?
You'll know why after you see it.
Oh yeah, my advice is SEE IT!!!

A New Week

2007-01-31T00:40:00.001-05:00

...beginning invariably in the middle of an existing week...

UPDATE

I heard from the aussie this week. He told me he read the previous 3 or 4 installments of my blog pertaining to him and I was impressed. Actually, he acknowledged reading the last of the series, so maybe there's more feedback to come.
Anyway, he read what I wrote about the massage and he wanted to talk about it, and I have to admit I was a bit uncomfortable. I was honest; yeah, it made me hot. And I was honest about the future; yeah you can stay with me again. And I want him sexually, but I don't want him to think that visiting me means he has to have sex with me. It's not a prerequisite! But when he comes back through here and if he wants to stay with me I'll do whatever it takes to make him happy. I think sex might make him happy, and it also might defuse some of the tension between us. I mean, we won't be together for the long term cos he's always going off somewhere, but if we connect physically, and enjoy it, and can look back on it in a cool way after its all over, than why not?!
Thats the challenge I leave for him. Depending, of course, on the circumstance. As long as we're both single.
Then maybe a massage might be the order of the day. Mmm. My muscles are a bit sore...

Falling Down

2007-01-19T00:22:00.000-05:00

I was silly to think the new year would start without any bells or whistles. Already halfway through the first month of 2007 I'm hearing the screech of warning alarms.
We finally got cold weather and snow in Toronto. It's about bloody time! But more importantly it came later than usual. It was like it was waiting for me to catch up or something. See, I started reading Al Gore's Earth In the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit. This book is the basis for his power point presentation about global warming, which is the foundation for the film An Inconvenient Truth. (the book named for the film is an updated companion).
I haven't finished it yet; in fact I'm about halfway through. So far I've learned about the basic theory behind the mechanics of global warming and in the most recent chapters the historic precedents of climate change as affected by both humans and nature. I have this urge to send a copy of the book, or at least the doc to Prime Minister Harper so that he can watch it with his family and then come to us and tell us how we need to change. Cos , see, I don't think we'll change without leadership on a huge scale.
I think it's part of the human condition to want to find ways around problems instead of addressing them head on. Thats supposed to be what makes us as a race so damned smart. I also think Freud's theory of the group mentality is dead-on correct; we act as a group more boldly and with impunity if we believe we're supported by the majority. And the majority seems to relegate global warming to the back burner. But maybe not... look at how Stephen Harper is announcing reforms in this arena. Is he sniffing the political winds of an upcoming election season? More importantly where does the Liberal Party of Canada stand on the issue of global warming?
Yes, we recognize the right of gays to marry, but do we recognize the responsibility we have to face the global warming crisis?

I see more hope here than in America. At least I know that we as Canadians are slightly more open minded to the causes that affect the average person than is the American government.

That wasn't a challenge. I have nothing but sympathy for my american brothers and sisters. I beg them to become more informed and stop believing everything they're told. Listen to your erstwhile president, Al Gore, and listen to what he has to say. Weigh the facts! Indulge yourselves in "leftist propaganda" instead of following the rhetoric.

I had this fucked up dream where George W Bush was on trial for crimes against humanity in the year 2100. He was on the witness stand saying, "I didn't know! I couldn't have known!" and the prosecution was presenting mountains of evidence of global warming. New York city and Florida were both underwater, and his brother was still the governor of Florida, and he was dead, and George just kept saying, "How were we to know?!". And the prosecution kept presenting evidence thats readily available now.
I wonder how he sleeps at night.
More than just an expression; when I go to bed and I lay down to sleep I think over all the things happening in my life, and I can't help examining them and thinking them through.
I wonder how George W Bush is able to fall asleep at night, knowing what he knows.
And he knows.
Don't kid yourself.

Out of The Blue

2007-01-10T16:26:00.000-05:00

The above headline was the subject heading of the email I received last night from an ex. It truly was from 'out of the blue'. We were together about 5 years ago and the break-up was full of enough drama and anger that I didn't ever expect to hear from him again.
I was wrong.
His name was R. He didn't like himself very much. Neither did I have much self esteem at the time so we were a good match. Not so much intellectually, but on an emotional and physical (ie. sexual) level we were a perfect fit. We both 'needed' alot, and we had amazing chemistry in the sack. My heart beats a little faster just thinking about some of those summer afternoons fucking in my bedroom. I'm talking about the sexy, sudden, push me on the bed and pull my clothes off type of fucks. It was always hot with R. Once I bent forward to slide my pants down and he approached me from behind, and by the time I was standing up straight he was holding my underwear in his hands, torn to shreds. He was the first -and last- man I'd ever been with who didn't bring any baggage to bed. Just pure imagination.

When we weren't having sex we were exploring each others vulnerabilities and exploiting them in cruel, curious, almost innocent ways. I didn't mean to go on and on about Kafka and Chekov knowing he didn't read. I knew it made him feel stupid. And to be fair I'm sure he never intended to hurt my feelings when, after spending an entire day together he told me I was boring. Even though it did hurt. A lot. So to get him back I would not-so-subtley snicker at his choice of movie, even though I wanted to see it too. Which would be his cue to blurt that it was my turn to pay since I never pay for anything. An obvious lie, but he knew I didn't want to argue. I never did. I just swallowed my pride, paid his ticket, or dinner, or bar tab, and sulked, and looked forward to when we would again be on a level playing field -the bedroom.

In the bedroom we were free to show each other all the affection we normally witheld. The light of passion which seemed extinguished in public burned bright behind closed doors. And when we fucked we approximated love. The pleasure of one of us being physically inside the other became a substitute for the emotions we thought we should have felt for each other.
But we didn't love each other, not really. And in the end the hardest part was not that I wouldn't see him again, nor even that the sex was over. It was the level playing field I would miss the most. The giving and receiving of pleasure with someone who made me feel completely open and safe - if only between the sheets.

2007-01-05T23:32:00.000-05:00

DVD Review - Artie Lange's Beer League

2007-01-05T22:46:00.000-05:00

I wanted to see this comedy in September when it was released, but I would've had to live near one of the 3 screens in Jersey it played at for that to have been possible. Seriously, this movie didn't open wide. It opened so thin only an industrial meatcutter could've produced something thinner. It opened so thin Nicole Richie saw it just for the diet tips. It opened so thin it fell into a bulimic coma, hence the reason nobody saw it. Thats not true; the respected film critic Richard Roeper saw it and he gave it one of it's few favourable reviews. He said: and I'm paraphrasing, "It sucked, but it was better than Failure to Launch", which is critic speak for 'Ishtar sucked, but it's better than Gigli".
Okay, so I'm being a little harsh, but only because I know that Artie Lange is a supremely gifted comedian and could've come up with something better than this. Was it his first film role? No. He was in Dirty Work and Old School, but in those movies he played a character, written by someone else. And he was funny. In Beer League he plays himself! He was kinda funny, but he wrote the damn part and even produced the thing so you'd think he woulda stepped up to the plate! (pun intended)
Beer League is about a chubby, alcoholic loser named Artie who realises how important his community baseball league team is in just enough time to rally the players and try to beat the asshole jocks threatening to kick them out of the league. Shouldn't be too difficult considering Artie's best friend and team mate is the Karate Kid himself, Ralph Macchio (who plays the perfect best friend and does a helluva job for a washed-up has-been), right? Well, but see Artie also wants to win back the girl of his dreams, Linda, played by the gorgeous Cara Buono, (The Sopranos) bringing some real acting talent to another underused character.
There are some genuine laughs here, and in full disclosure I should come clean about my love for Artie Lange. I'm a HUGE fan of his stand-up and status as Howard Stern's sidekick. The guy gave up a well-paying gig as a longshoreman on the New York City docks to make a go of it in showbiz as a comic, and aside from respecting the hell outta him I also think he did the right thing. The fucker is talented! But I gotta be honest, I didn't love this movie. For most of the first half it felt like the director (Frank Sebastiano, co-wrote with Artie) was so confidant in his talent and writing that he only did one take of every scene and moved on. Did one of his kids have a dance recital or something?
As we move deeper... no, let's say further into the story it seems to hit it's stride, but for most people who, unlike me aren't huge Artie fans, that might be more than they can take. I remember when I finally saw Trey Parker and Matt Stones' Baseketball. I love everything those guys do. I get them. I'm on their side. But ten minutes into Baseketball I turned that fucker off and slapped myself for spending seven dollars on it second-hand.
Artie, I didn't slap myself after this one, and I watched it all the way through. (I didn't slap myself cos I didn't buy it, I rented it, but if I don't return it on time I'm gonna have to pay a fine and then I'm gonna be pissed at you!)
And seriously, it wasn't horrible. It really had its moments. Next time - and I hope there's a next time - don't be so keen to set up the gags. If we're into it we'll get it. And edgy humour can be funny if you don't draw a big flashing neon arrow at it.
I love you, Art. Just to prove it I'll probably have to support you by buying one of these fucking DVDs if it means you'll be able to do more in the future.
If you see Beer League you'll see the seeds of a great talent looking for the right support. A better writing partner and a good comedic director and Artie Lange is the next HUGE (pun NOT intended) comedy star. He's got 'It'. He just needs to make 'It' work for him.

DVD Review - The Descent -SPOILER ALERT-

2007-01-03T22:53:00.000-05:00

If you are afraid of the following things do not watch this film: creepy cabins, groups of women, the woods, caves, enclosed spaces, really enclosed spaces, the dark, mutant cannibals, english accents, badly presented out-takes, visceral frights.
All others give it a go.

I was sceptical going in to this one. Everyone told me it was SUPER scary and that is usually the kiss of death for a horror flick for me. I normally like scary movies that people say are "too gross to watch", or "over the line". Or even "there's scary, and then theres beyond watchable". They said that about Wolf Creek*. (*see earlier review) Some even said that about Hostel*, though I only agree to a point. (*also reviewed here)
With this one I wasn't sure, and in the first few scenes, tho there were some good creepout scares to suck me in, I was interested but expecting a lot.

First off, the choice to film this spelunking horror in almost total darkness was good in that you get a real sense of the claustrophobia the characters were feeling. They couldn't see a damn thinig and neither could you. The problem with this is when the story progresses past the simple fear of the unknown and delves into the realm of the mysterious stalking creature, and once you know it exists you have to be able to see what the fuck is going on. I mean as an audience member you can only listen to so many battles during which a light flickers and an otherworldly translucsent eye flashes before you begin to wonder who's winning? Is it my girls or the creepy bald naked crawly dudes?
I used the word 'visceral' earlier.
The films strengths (and there are many) lie in the scares you wait for and ultimately don't expect. The Descent is most effective when it builds up to a scare, like in the first half. In the second half you have to battle the lighting and rely on your memory of which blonde pretty girl is which? And which exotic brunette is which? So when exotic brunette is screaming for blonde girl, who is calling for who? In the beginning we see them all at a reunion but they don't use each others' names effectively enough for me to know who's who later when it matters.
Was I scared? Most of the time, yeah. The Descent was good at being creepy and shocking at times. But once they enter the deeper cave I was glaring at the dark screen wondering, "who is dying? Who survived? Who escaped? What's that thing?" And that would all be fine if in the end we realized it was all for a reason.
Guess what...
Yeah, thats right, when I saw the end I was shocked visually, but ultimately I was left cold. I think if you have to read the director's explanation to confirm you got the ending then it obviously wasn't a good ending.
Yeah, I figured it out, but I couldn't believe it was that lame so I did some research and again, guess what, that was it.

Would I recommend this one? Sure. It's scary. It's def creepy.
I think at one point in my reviews I was gonna try and start a ratings system but hell if I can remember what it was. Lets say for this one, as an all over film I give it 2 out of 5. As a mindless horror I'll raise it to 3 out of 5, cos I know it depends on yer mood. If you just want a scare, go for it. If you want a good film, put it a bit lower on yer list but give it a shot.

*Coming up: a review of Artie Lange's Beer League! Now on DVD! I love this stand-up comic/Howard Stern regular so I expect great things, despite most of the reviews. I'll let you know.

-p.s. the title image is the photograph created by Salvador Dali upon which the film's poster image is based.

Too Blind

2006-12-31T01:39:00.000-05:00

I'll inevitably do a list. Doesn't everyone at this time of year? But not tonight.
I'm not a prayer. I don't believe in god or any of that shit. A perfunctory search will tell you that the stories of Jesus and his 'miracles' have been bandied about since the early egyptians were stacking bricks on the pyramids. Madonna and child? Isis and Horus. Check it out. Those crazy sand-jockeys were onto something. ($)
But I digress...
No, I'm here now to thank everyone who made this year so kick-ass!
Like Lindsay Lohan! When that douchebag Brandon Davis trashed Lindsay on video calling her firecrotch (a nickname that has stuck!) it was a definite highlight! And when she walked out of her hotel and told the papparazzi Paris was a cunt I laughed out loud not only for the sentiment, but for the devilish grin Lindsay wore when she half-heartedly backtracked. And then she went to AA, the second A of which is supposed to mean Anonymous. Her mom Dena, unable to pass up a chance to chat up the press confirmed that she was indeed in AA, but don't tell anyone. Thanks, Linds! You made my year a better place.
which leads me to...
Youtube. If it weren't for Youtube I wouldn't've seen all this coverage of girls gone wild. If there is a god, (and if there is I'll simply recant on my deathbed) he'll bless the shit outta Youtube, cos they make watching uneditable and non-newsworthy video available for all to see. Jessica Simpson cries at the Dolly Parton tribute? See it on Youtube! Love you guys!
The Fug girls! Damn, I love the Fug girls!!!! (www.gofugyourself.com) Heather and Jessica kept me laughing this year like noone else, with their cunty assessments of all things red carpet and their spot-on fashion watch-doggery.
If I ever wear a skort on the red carpet, or try to match a plaid with a polka-dot I hope they're there to rein me in before I'm featured on their site. (but please ease up on Kirsten Dunst. I love her.)

Well, I'll make a full list of things to love about 2006 when I'm feeling more awake. Right now I'm seconds away from my bed so I'll say goodnight, but rest assured, all the skinny will be here by years end. *Fuck, that doesn't leave much time!!*

later

Wild At Heart -A Retro Review

2006-12-30T00:11:00.000-05:00

Maybe not a review so much as an admiration.
My David Lynch DVD collection has a few glaring holes; notably the recently released compilation of short films, all of which are genius, and I've yet to see his award winning The Straight Story. However, any David Lynch collection is incomplete without 1990s Wild At Heart.
What do I love about this film? Where do I start?
First of all, its not the best of his works. If you want masterpiece you have to go to Blue Velvet, The Elephant Man, or I think his greatest and darkest film, Eraserhead. Eraserhead... the quintessential "cult" film. I swear Lynch coined the phrase with that bit of genius. But I digress...

Wild At Heart is cool for a few reasons, first of which is that it's modern and set in a specific time yet feels timeless. The costumes seem to reflect a very Madonna-centric view of white-trash society. Lula's (Laura Dern) outfits as well as Perdita's (Isabella Rossellini) are all about lingerie worn on the outside, which is a fashion trend immediately traceable back to Madge. Very 1990s. Hard to miss. Lula is the early 90's. Then theres Sailor, (Nicolas Cage) in a surprisingly un-annoying role dressed and talking in 50's parlance, obsessed with Elvis and yet not pushing me beyond tolerance. I normally can't watch him without getting ticked, but his Sailor in this film is like Michael Douglas in The Game; he is basically himself and he does it well.
And then of course is Lula's mother, Marietta, (Dern's real-life mother) who's wigs embody the 70's. The character is pure now, but the hair says ABBA nine times!
But this is just one aspect of the film.
The story is based on Barry Gifford's novella which is itself a recommended read. If you read the book and see the film you'll see the very specific Lynchian touches added to the latter. The little things like the ugly woman who flutters by during the Marietta and Johnny scene, or my favourite, the car crash scene, which features Sherilynn Fenn (Audrey from Lynch's Twin Peaks) as a dying car crash victim. There are more genius moments in this film than can be summed up here. Basically, as Rottentomatoes.com gave it a 64% I'll assume that smart moviewatchers are giving this a look. NOT for an example of the best of David Lynch, but maybe for an example of how Lynch can make a story way more interesting by putting his personal stamp on it. If there was ever a textbook for how to make a David Lynch movie, this is the one you'd need to watch about a million times before you wrote it (thats after, of course, seeing all his college stuff and Eraserhead).

Today is a new day

2006-12-15T03:25:00.000-05:00

All the signals point to a new beginning. The fates have voted and they all agree... shut yer fucking mouth!!!
Okay, when it comes to my dear H I'll shut my fucking mouth. I won't talk about H. anymore.
But I must say this...
I'm a very judgemental person and I will judge H's "boyfriend", but I'll always love H., and I'll be here for him if he needs me.
I hope he accepts that.

Christmas is coming... HIDE!!!

2006-12-09T01:20:00.000-05:00

It's gonna be a weird New Years. What a crazy year 2006 has been. I spent half of it with someone in my life -in one capacity or another- who doesn't seem to want to be in my life anymore (see his story below), and I've also learned some great lessons.
Like, sometimes the people you respect make bad choices. And that doesn't mean they're bad people, they just have their own lessons to learn.
I'm talking about H. His boyfriend had unprotected sex with strangers while experimenting with drugs, and H. still chooses to give this person a chance. Typical of someone so generous as my dear friend H. I was VERY judgemental and vocal to him about breaking up with this 'person', and I may have overstepped my bounds as a friend. The truth I have to live with is that now I can never spend time with the couple together. I see 'the boyfriend' as a selfish, disgusting pig of a human being and I don't know how to be a friend to H. while he dates this person. I think I can keep my opinions to myself when I'm with H., but I can't be with him when his 'boyfriend' is with him, so basically I'll rarely see him if he really chooses to make a go of it with this scumbag.
Now, seeing as how this is NOT my relationship, and seeing that nobody knows what goes on in a relationship but the people involved, am I being too hard on H.? Should I -as a friend- swallow my feelings and play nice? My gut says no. The guy is a pig and I don't want to associate with someone like him.
Should I... for the sake of my friendship?
If you read this please comment. And trust me when I say the guy is a sexual predator. I wouldn't touch him with 50 twenty-foot poles. But I love H.
Well, this all just came up. Although he chose to go ahead with weekend vacation plans with the guy this may just be an attempt to find closure on H's part. All is not lost.
And for the record -I was rooting for them before this mess came up. I love H. and I want to see him happy.
Would you take back an admitted two-time cheater?

The Aussie Pt. III

2006-12-08T01:08:00.000-05:00

There was an unexpected sense of relief when I learned he'd be leaving. Not because I wanted him to go, but I'd run out of ideas to improve his stay. Night after night we shared the same bed. The first few weeks we turned off the tv and slipped under the covers at the same time. Now that he was leaving for a job in the UK it felt like less of a priority to build a routine and I would stay up later than he did. I would work on some writing or just keep watching the telly. We were sleeping together but we weren't sleeping together, so although I still sought closeness with him during the day I knew our nights would always be spent seperately under the same duvet.
Waiting for the call confirming his new job kept him close to the house. Plus he was waiting for a special VISA on his passport in case the job came through so he wanted to be there for the mail everyday. He was a homebody.
One afternoon he called me at work and asked what I'd like for dinner. When I got home he had prepared a full meal and all I had to do was sit at the table and be served. It was awesome. Knowing he was making dinner I decided to mark the ocassion with a gift. He had been searching the city exhaustively looking for a particular brand of composition book; the Mead book with the black-and-white marbled hardcover. I spent the day shirking work on the phone to every paper shop in town until I found one in the West End and at quitting time I went and picked up three of his covetted books before going home for dinner. He was thrilled and gave me a huge hug and it felt like I had broken through; like I had figured out how to make him feel something big enough to finally open up to me.
Over dinner he told me he had received an email from London. He got the job. I dropped my fork. Another hug, this time from me! I could see he was happy and I was happy for him. "She wants me there by next Monday", he said. Today was Tuesday. That left us a week. His passport hadn't come through yet but I assured him it would be delivered by Friday and he could book his flight last minute and be in London just in time to meet his new boss and learn the ropes. That night we went to bed at the same time. Pillowtalk. Our own special brand.
"When I stepped off the plane, and we hugged that first time,... I mean now that I'm here, are you disappointed?" His voice was a ribbon of warmth in the air-conditioned dark. I thought for a second. "Yeah, I'm disappointed. Things didn't turn out quite the way I expected." I heard him breathe. "But I'm glad you're here." "Thank you for putting up with me for the past few weeks", he said.
"It's been my pleasure." I said. But it isn't like he was leaving the next day. We still didn't know if or when his passport VISA would come through.

The next day I got a call at work. It was him again. I smiled when I saw his number on my call display. "What do you want for dinner?" he asked. I said it didn't matter. We could go out maybe. "No," he said, "I'll cook." Sounded good to me. I've lived alone so long I was thrilled to have someone cooking for me. "And on your way home," he said, "if you're still willing to give that massage we talked about I could really use it, only you don't really have any oil. Pick something up, kay?" Casual, just like that.
All through dinner the subject of the massage we'd originally discussed off-hand a few weeks ago never came up. I was nervous, but in the spirit of his casual reminder I just as casually didn't push it. Our relationship seemed to become comfortably non-sexual. I had come to that conclusion, not wanting to be a monumental creep and force the issue as though it were some sordid condition of his staying with me. Like getting him naked was a form of payment for his lodging.
After dinner, after we had watched some telly and chatted a bit he said, "I think I'll go lay down. Can I still get that massage? I'm so wound up I think it would totally help me relax from all this waiting." "Of course", I said. "I'll be right in." I waited a few minutes till he'd lit some candles and put on some quiet music and I entered my bedroom; our bedroom. He was laying on his stomach in his underwear. I took a deep breath and knelt over him with my hands on his shoulders, sitting on his backside as I poured some oil on my hands and began rubbing his tense muscles. As I worked over his neck and shoulders and down his back I repositioned myself to better reach lower down his frame. I pushed my thumbs into his lower back and edged them to his tail-bone. "If my underwear are in the way you can take them off", he said, quietly, without moving.
I hooked my fingers into the band of his briefs and slid them down. He raised his hips to accomodate me and then rested, then lifted his legs so the zebra-printed briefs came off easily. The air conditioning didn't seem to be working so well anymore. I was sweating. My forhead, my whole face, was soaked.
I squirted more oil onto my hands and began rubbing again at his calves, pushing slowly up to his thighs, working there for several minutes, and finally massaging his buttocks. At this point I looked at what I was doing and had to tell him, "This is an amazing ass." Casually, just like that. And now in all fairness I have to say that his was... is a truly beautiful ass. A man's ass; round and strong and absolutely perfect. For a few moments I was able to escape my nervous confusion and appreciate what I had in front of me, and as I kneaded him and needed him I realized how easy it would be, how perfect the moment would be to lean over his naked body and whisper in his ear how long I had waited for him and how I wanted him. Instead I waited for a reaction from him. I was kneeling over him with my legs outside his legs and I repositioned myself by spreading his legs with my knees and kneeling inside his legs. This, I thought, was a bold move on my part. I was telling him without speaking; whispering in his ear without saying a word. And as my hands worked lower down his ass and between his thighs I waited for some sign that I was welcome there, but he lay as if asleep. "Okay", I said. "I think I'm done." My arms and hands were sore. And without a sound he slowly turned over as if to ask me to continue on his frontside, and as he did I realized this was nothing more than a massage for him. He lay now on his back, completely relaxed and I knew he hadn't intuited my silent whispers or my opaque knee gestures. He wasn't thinking of anything more adventurous than just a good, refreshing and overall innocent massage. He was simply waiting for me to rub his chest. The body doesn't lie. And he didn't need to say a word for me to realize this.
Later as we fell asleep he told me he felt "so good". I was feeling less than good; I was feeling frustrated. He said, "You give a great butt massage."
I said "I give a great butt everything." "What was that?" he asked. "Nothing." I said, and I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to fall asleep.

The Aussie Pt. II

2006-12-02T01:03:00.000-05:00

I saw him online today on MSN. I thought I'd let him make the first move. He didn't.
----------------

When I woke up that first day after a night of being held by the man I waited a year for I was excited but tentative. From all sides I was told that after travelling from Australia he would be tired and would want to be left alone. He woke up right after I did. I offered to make breakfast. I'd bought eggs and orange juice just in case. "No thanks" he said. I had bread for toast. He had Vegemite. No worries, he would make Vegemite toast and that was that. Cool.
We went to the Zoo. There were a few things he wanted to do in Toronto and the Zoo was one of them. I sussed out a map and we went. There were moose, and they were gorgeous! There were elephants and they were beautiful! There were endless moments of silence when he didn't talk to me and it was painful. I wished real hard that he would open up, that he would suddenly tell me why he didn't want to talk to me. I was too afraid to ask why. Why was he so seperate from me that day. I felt like a tour guide. I was still attracted to that man in my bed but I was facing a sudden stranger. It was a long bus ride home and at one point I asked him if everything was okay. He looked non-plussed and answered 'yes'. I pressed on. "Well, you seem really quiet and I just wanna make sure everything is all right". "Yeah", he said. End of story.
I gotta tell ya, I was racking my brain for explanations for his stand-offish behaviour. I thought, he must be jet-lagged after being on a plane for that long. He's confused winding up in a strange country on a strange continent. He needs to sleep.
Sleep did nothing. For days I twisted myself in knots wondering why he was so unresponsive. Even to simple friendship. Sure he made gestures. He seemed to try. He bought a set of speakers for my computer... but to be totally honest, in retrospect I think that had something to do with the fact that I don't have a stereo system and he loves music. Not that I don't appreciate the speakers, but I would've been far more moved by an act of generosity that involved emotion before finance.
Blah blah
Eventually we settled in to a comfortable living arrangement. It had been about 4 weeks and I couldn't get a handle on the guy I thought I was in love with for a year.
We had our fun, don't get me wrong. There were movies and one or two... maybe one night at the pub, and several lovely dinners at home. And he cleaned up my livingroom! No small feat if you saw my livingroom before the Aussie got to it. And again I have these wicked speakers which project sound around my apartment like you wouldn't believe!
Then I woke up one morning. He was quickly throwing off the duvet as he answered his cell phone and before I could turn over he was out of the room. From the bedroom I could hear him in the livingroom before he opened the front door and stepped outside, pulling the door behind him. All the sudden his voice was enthusiastic and muffled. I knew what I was doing was eavesdropping, but because he didn't ever talk to me I thought this was my chance to learn something. I left our bed and stepped quietly to the door and pressed my ear to the wood. It sounded like he was making plans. It sounded like he was going somewhere. I felt as his host and (I thought) friend I had a right to know what was going on. Of course I asked him.
"I heard you say something about 'fitting in'. What were you talking about?"
He didn't want to tell me. He said it had to do with curses and not wanting to discuss something he thought could be nixed by putting it into words. I don't believe in that shit so I eventually talked him out of it. He finally explained the truth. He might have a job as an Au Pair overseas. He could leave in a week or a month; he wasn't sure. We'd have to wait. I'd have to wait.

The Ancient Art of Avoision

2006-11-30T05:20:00.000-05:00

Yeah, consult Google; it's a word!

I've been hesitating writing about the Australian because I still hold out hope that we'll at least be in touch. Not that I would tell anything but the truth about his stay here, but I don't want to upset him. Tho I wonder if I even could. I don't know if he cares about what I think. I haven't heard from him so...
lighten up, London dude. I miss you.

An Inconvenient Truth - A DVD Review

2006-11-25T00:14:00.000-05:00

As a child of the early 1970s the issue of Global Warming, in fact the term itself, feels relatively new. If I thought about it I'd estimate that I didn't really become aware of such a thing as Global Warming until perhaps the very late 90's. (Okay, I wasn't a news-hound.) But I think I'm not alone in stating that Global Warming is something that only recently has become an important issue to me and society at large. Or so it would seem from my limited point of view.
Al Gore -or as he cheekily introduces himself in this film; The Former Next President of the United States- has been studying and lecturing on what he calls the Global Crisis since the 1970s! This isn't a case of some washed-up ex politician trying to leach some attention, this is a man committed to a cause which as we learn is very personal. Not only to him but to each and every single one of us.
In selling this film I couldn't possibly wow you the way Al can. I don't have all the facts and figures on a teleprompter or on the tip of my tongue. I haven't been studying the issue of climate change in the field alongside the leading scientists. All I did was spend 93 minutes watching a documentary, and I feel more inspired and empowered than I ever have on this issue. This is not a preachy plea for followers of some movement as I thought it might be when I first saw An Inconvenient Truth in the theatres earlier this year.
It's also not a painful session of 'I was right and you were wrong and look how you've fucked yourselves' either. And it's definitely not a boring lecture on abstract ideas that are meaningless to all but academics.
This is an intelligent, down to earth, straightforward look at the facts, numbers and studies that aren't widely reported due to their seeming opposition to big business.
You'll learn exactly what Global Warming is. You'll learn how it affects you, your place in the world, and the whole world itself (and all the other people in it). You'll learn how much damage has been done and more importantly -and eerily- exactly how much damage is yet to come if we don't address the problem now.
In one sobering sequence Gore compares the damage of 9/11 to the effects of a slight melting of the polar ice caps (which is already underway). 'Devestating' doesn't begin to characterize the effects on the New York landscape alone.
Infrequent digressions into his personal history with the issue serve to give the film a heart, helping viewers to recognize the sometimes seemingly small ways we are all affected by the choices we make with regards to the environment. The term Global Warming becomes a personal rather abstract term.

Moments in the film take on an emotional tone, something you wouldn't expect from a subject so grand as the entire world.

The possibility that I could live another fifty years and see the withering of our world as predicted by all the leading scientists of our time is frightening. That I might have to explain to a young person in 2056 what we as a society were thinking by not addressing the problem is unimaginable.
You owe it to yourself to see An Inconvenient Truth.
Nuff said.

A Few Thoughts

2006-11-19T00:24:00.000-05:00

We'll come back to the story of the Aussie soon, but today is for me.
-----------

I was thinking about a few movies I wanted to watch tonight, seeing as it's Saturday and I'm home alone.
I picked over a few in my mind; Crimes and Misdemeanors is a good one, or for lighter fare there's The Object Of My Affection...
And then it occurred to me that I wanted to see these movies... I mean I specifically chose them tonight for the same reason; Alan Alda is in both of them.
Aside from being a great actor Alan Alda has a funny place of significance in my life. When I was a kid my parents used to watch M*A*S*H every night at ten pm. It was in syndication already tho it hadn't quite ended it's run (tho I remember that landmark as well!) and it came on every weekday night at ten o'clock, which also happened to be bedtime. One day we kids were all sent to bed but my older brother was allowed to stay up until 10:30 so he could watch M*A*S*H with the parents. This was huge! It was never verbalized but always implied that post-ten pm was adult time, and therefore M*A*S*H was only for grownups. My older brother became a grownup that night and I had to take on the role of official Head Child in his place while he became Junior Adult.
The lead character on M*A*S*H was Hawkeye, a.k.a. Alan Alda, and I hated him. I mean, he always made me laugh and was my favourite character and stuff, but I hated him. I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that he bore a striking resemblance to my father, with whom I wasn't... well, close.
Eventually I was aloud to stay up and watch with the adults as I got older, which is when I made this connection between the alcoholic smart-ass and my father.
Fast forward a few (too many) years and I discover Alda in some great films! Woody Allen movies, various bit parts like Object of My Affection, and I love and respect his work. And I find myself seeking him out. I've seen Object a million times, but tonight, bored and alone, the two flicks that make me comfortable to pass the time feature Alda.
My father and I still aren't close.
Make of that what you will.

Plus, I love Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd makes a great gay man so I think I'll watch Object. And I'll feel close to Alan Alda for a little while.

The Aussie Pt.I

2006-11-15T02:14:00.000-05:00

In my last post I mentioned the Aussie, and how he seems to have gone incommunicado (sp?). I refrained from blogging about that whole period of my life this past summer because I thought it would violate his privacy, and as much as I'm all for sharing I didn't want to make someone else's private life public.
But then I thought about it and I figure, A) he probably doesn't read my blog anymore since he doesn't seem to read my emails anymore; and B) I haven't identified him... I mean it's not like you'll know who he is by reading this or something. After all, it ain't Hugh Jackman! (if only!)

I can't tell this story in one post, so I'll start here and finish when I'm not tired and wanting my bed. If it's interesting you'll come back.

As I may have mentioned in previous posts, I met Shibby (name changed to protect the unrecognizable) on a dating site about a year ago. He was 21, cute, and wanted to meet people in Canada cos he was planning on travelling here. When we first started corresponding it was autumn and he planned to come in the winter. As we got to know each other over the internet and then eventually by phone his ETA kept getting pushed back; late winter, then spring, then late spring, then summer. Over the course of these months we spoke on the phone several times a week and emailed constantly. I thought about him all the time and he told me the same. It was bizarre for me because I'd never actually met him but I was developing this bond with him which he encouraged and I happily enjoyed. We talked about how great it would be to meet face to face. When he stepped off that plane and I met him at the arrivals gate I told him I would have the biggest hug I'd ever given anyone in the world waiting for him! He said he wouldn't be happy until he was in my arms. It was romantic, and silly, and fun, and stupid, but we were both enjoying it equally so whats the harm in that?

His plane left Australia for Toronto, (with stopovers, of course) and the time I spent at the airport waiting for him to come through the arrivals gate felt like the entire round-the-world flight he was on! I must've run to the men's room to check my hair twenty times in the hour I was standing there!
People kept coming through and meeting companions but the crowd never seemed to thin. I could never get close enough to the gate to see who was coming next. A cute, brown-skinned guy with dark hair, about twenty-one or so came through and I swear my heart started pounding and a slight sweat broke out on my forehead, but it lasted only a second. I was pretty sure it was him, but then I realized it wasn't. False alarm. I ran to check my hair again, and wipe the sweat off my face and hands. My hair was a mess; I needed a haircut.
It didn't seem to matter how many people came through that damn gate, the crowd waiting was as thick as ever!
I was standing behind a greek guy with oily black hair and a woman with a pony tail when I saw him from between their heads. He was carrying a Duty-free bag, a ruck-sack, and pulling a suitcase on wheels, and he looked tired. He was smiling. This time my heart didn't speed up; I know this sounds like romantic bullshit but I think it actually stopped beating alltogether. And things didn't go in slow motion like the movies but when I remember it they sped up. I see flashes when I remember it; we hugged, I offered to take his bags, we got in a limo, we were on the freeway. I was most worried about the car ride home to my place. It was quiet, tho I tried to fill it with awkward conversation but what can you say? "There's the CN Tower! And there's the pool I told you I go to! And here we are in the Beaches!" Of course he was quiet. When we got to my place I paid the driver and we went inside. I was nervous cos I couldn't read him yet. Who could? He was like wallpaper at that point! He just got off an horrendous flight. I was trying to be mindful of his state of mind as I showed him around. The quick tour; livingroom, bathroom -towels and soap etc-, kitchen, bedroom. I told him in the bedroom that he could have the room and the bed all to himself as long as he needed to get adjusted. I'd sleep on the couch. It was then, standing in my room next to my bed that he turned and put his arms around my waist. "Thank you", he said, and he kissed me. We kissed each other. He invited me to sleep in my own bed with him, insisting I shouldn't sleep on the couch. Besides, he was here indefinitely so we might as well get used to the new arrangements.
Falling asleep next to each other in the dark I was still wondering how not to be a creep. I wanted to be considerate of what he was going through, being away from home for the first time and all that crap. He reached over and pulled my arm over him and we fell asleep spooning. This was the Shibby I knew from all those phone calls and emails. This was the Shibby I was waiting for. I slept well for the first time in months. I would never have woken up.
The next day was a new challenge.

A Few Things

2006-11-10T00:27:00.000-05:00

A few things off my mind...

-Again I revisit the View, that horrible telly show on ABC. This is a horrible show and despite the whole mentality of "I can't wait to see what they say next even if I disagree...", I think we need to stop looking at this shit. The View is bad TV, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck is a stupid cunt. Rosie is lowering her profile by associating with them. Let Babs head out to pasture and free Joy for the stand-up career she deserved before being sidetracked by these idiots. Meredith was smart enough to jump ship. Let's hope Rosie follows suit. Rosie, I think, still has something to contribute but not in this silly forum. Housewives and stay-at-homes... talk to your friends for that hour. It'll be more productive.

-The Australian isn't talking to me anymore. Did I ever tell y'all the full story bout that? Perhaps it's time I did. We'll see. Suffice it to say he won't answer my emails. I miss him. And yeah, I told him so. What I'm afraid to tell him is I always held out hope for us. But I could tell from him right away that it wasn't meant to be. He was very clear from the beginning. But I thought I was still a good host at least. I thought I earned points as a friend there. Will I ever see him again? I guess that's up to me. (sorta)

-the script is coming along despite some formatting problems. They've yet to be fixed, but I've been writing anyway. I think it's a good idea so I'll keep at it. I just have to remember to be honest; say nothing you wouldn't say in the same circumstances. Dialogue is tough but I'm sticking it out.

-What else? Nothing crosses my mind. In the course of a day some people annoy you on sight, and some just make your day. I have to learn how to seperate the two. Then maybe I'll be less testy. I wanna be less testy, I just have to learn how to put them aside.

I guess that's all for now. The Democrats have control of the Senate and the House, and as much as I'm Canadian I know it affects me! Fuckin' americans!

jk

-

2006-11-05T22:34:00.000-05:00

Borat Make Glorious Funny Weekend! Nice!

2006-11-05T21:25:00.001-05:00

I haven't laughed that hard at a movie since Schindler's List! Borat (Sascha Baron Cohen) has proven he'll do ANYthing for laughs. If you've seen the movie you'll know what I mean. If you haven't yet, you'll understand. keywords-the fight scene. Nuff said.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan is basically a feature-length version of his segments from Da Ali G Show, but funnier, more outrageous, and fleshed out with a few new characters played by other actors. But only a few. Like his producer Azamat, and other uncredited Kazakh locals like the town rapist and of course is ill-fated wife, Oksana, "Borat, if you cheat on me in America I'll snap off your cock!".
But the real characters are all the poor, unsuspecting suckers who fall in Borat's path on his cross-country quest to marry Pamela Anderson. There's the southern Dining Society that invite Borat to dinner to teach him American table etiquette, and end up teaching him how to use a toilet. Or the stadium full of sports fans whose welcome turns ugly after his version of the National Anthem. Or the TV News anchor who tries to interview Borat on live television, which, as one of the station's producers has recently alleged, ended with her being fired. Wahh!

Borat manages to pull off some stunts in public that make you feel like he'll get arrested any minute, but the key to his genius is his faith in the infallibility of American prejudice. Or, more accurately America's desperation to hide their prejudice. It seems you can do anything and get away with it if you play the foreigner card. I want to give you an excellent example of this but I won't ruin any gags for you. Suffice it to say if anyone else tried to do what Borat does at the Dinner Society, they'd be thrown out immediately! Instead one of the diners makes it her mission to be understanding, because as she puts it when he's out of the room, "he's a lovely man. I don't think it would take much work to get him Americanized." Now there's a scary word!
Then there's the countless incidences of kissing protocol, an ongoing gag which Borat escalates just to see what'll happen. Funny how kissy old straight white men get when they think its cultural tradition.

As an actor Cohen is a master improviser. His talent at mixing in crowds of oblivious 'real' people while always in character without them catching on is nothing short of incredible. Cohen's practice of only doing the film's promotional
work in Borat drag is an effective and clever way to help us suspend disbelief. (a recent appearance on The Howard Stern Show was so funny I laughed out loud on the subway, and not just a little!) He also wisely includes some minor emotional moments to help round out the character from one-joke caricature to lovable shlub. Cohen is no dummy.

Bottom line: if you wanna laugh see this movie. It's fucking funny. I really don't think I wanna know anyone who tells me they were bored by it. VERY NICE!!!

Borat Make Glorious Funny Weekend! Nice!

2006-11-05T21:25:00.000-05:00

2006-11-04T02:36:00.000-05:00

Kids -yet another Retro-Review

2006-11-04T01:54:00.000-05:00

Tonight I saw the movie Kids. You may know Larry Clark directed it but what I didn't know was Harmony Korine (Gummo, Julien Donkey Boy) also wrote it.
I saw Gummo, which Korine also wrote and directed, and I was mesmerized. It was a whole different way of filmmaking as far as I was concerned. It intrigued me. Enough so that I saw a film by his contemparary Larry Clark, whom I didn't realize was also a collaborator. That film was tonight's Kids.
It was good. I can see a lot of people disagreeing with me, and thats for the best, but it was a good film. Why?
Well edited. There was a lot going on with these kids and somehow it all came through. I never felt overwhelmed. I did feel sick a few times. Some of those moments when I wondered if kids could be... like that... so... ruthless? No... so uncaring? No, thats not it either. They're kids! Nothing matters to them. Nothing breaks the surface. When you're a kid you're immortal! All the parties begin and end with a "woo-hoo"! And when you wake up you gather your clothes around you and snake out. Right?
Fortunately like the kids we don't really deal with the hangovers. It's all about what happens at the parties. Remember those parties from high school? There was always one cool guy who tried to make everyone drink? And there was the guy who tried to make out with anything that could still walk? And the cool girl who could handle anything? And then you didn't see her till Monday.
Anyone who sees Kids and says "they were never like that in my day" won't get it. But if you were born after 1970; you'll get it. And then you'll wonder where the hell Larry Clark is?!

Well, Kids was made in '95. Then in 2006 he made Destricted; an erstwhile porn film clutching for arthouse status. It failed. It was the product of committee direction and failed miserably. "I went to the film expecting nothing and I got nothing." So said one filmgoer. That's his opinion.

Wanna watch Heroes on monday night?!

2006-11-02T01:14:00.000-05:00

Match Point DVD Review

2006-11-02T00:17:00.000-05:00

**NO SPOILERS**Its all safe here.

Yes, I know I'm a bit late with this one but all things in good time.
If you haven't seen it yet; read on. If you have, weigh in with opinions on the comments page.

First off I'll confirm everything already said by most reviewers; (I think; I don't read reviews for Woody Allen's work) this was a brilliant return to Allen's great talents as a writer of sophisticated grown-up dramas. Think Crimes and Misdemeanors. Think Manhattan. Remember everything you loved about his heyday dramas, like the subtleties of Interiors, or the realness of Husbands and Wives. Now add an english sensibility and some fantastic young actors.

One point I'm going to bring up again so soon is subtlety. After some of his lesser comedies of the past few years Allen should be commended for his restraint in both the writing and direction of this one. He really lets the actors earn their place in the dialogue, which is smart and pithy without being too forceful. Never do the characters feel like stock Woody Allen characters. There are a few inconsistencies but they never seem to draw away from the story.

But first the performances.

Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation, Ghost World) seems comfortable in the role of the flawed femme fatale. You're never sure whether to trust her or not and it's this quality which makes her character so surprising. Like any human being you never know exactly what she's gonna do; but she seems to know and that makes you interested in her. FULL DISCLOSURE: I love her anyway, but I'd be the first to admit if she wasn't up to the material, and she really was. Well done.

Jonathon Rhys Myers (Bend it Like Beckham, Alexander) feels shaky at first. Sure he's gorgeous, and a few of the lingering shots on his pretty punum may lead you to believe that he's there for his box-office appeal, but rest assured he is more than the sum of his physical parts. His characters transformation is (here's that watch-word again) subtle and touching. Frightening even in its implications. It's rare that such an amazing looking actor can be so relatable. I rooted for him every step of the way, good or bad. What does that say about me? After all he isn't the most likable character, but then none of them are. So what does that say about Woody?

True, none of these characters is particularly likable, but this isn't about heroes and villains; it's about what happens when you make choices that don't pan out the way you expected and how you deal with the consequences. It plays many similar themes to Allen's previous work, of course; the most obvious being the moral complexities of adultery. The thrill of it, the excitement when it works, and the regret and despair when it goes wrong. In this story you really feel the fear of losing something so big to the threat of something you thought was so small.
What would you do? And more shockingly how would you explain it? Or justify it to yourself?

There were some trademark Allen shots; I remembered the Brooklyn Bridge scene from Manhattan when characters Chris and Chloe gazed along London Bridge near the beginning of Match Point. To compare the shots is to almost overlay the two together. It's nothing short of an homage to his earlier work (a thematic joke he'd already addressed in Stardust Memories back in 1979).
Also, with setting this film in London you see his same use of the city and it's architecture as almost another character the way he did in so many of his trademark New York films. It makes me excited that he's found another muse; not just in Johansson (Match Point, Scoop), who I love in his films, but in London. Perhaps he's found a whole new city with a million stories waiting to be told.

This is a quality flick, whether you're an Allen fan or not. The question is -crap, there has to be a question- can he return to his genius with a comedy? I want to see another good comedy. I think the man has it in him. He's missed the mark of late, but maybe with a new focus and some new partners he'll also find new life after this. Comedy has become a lot more literal since he brought us Annie Hall and Manhatten Murder Mystery, but with the (here's that word again!) subtlety he brings to Match Point, maybe he's learning to evolve with the genre. I hope so.
I look forward to every new Woody Allen release. With the lateness of this review I guess I just hesitate the way everyone else seems to. Not anymore.

*NOTE*
Woody is currently working on an as yet unnamed project for tentative release in 2007. Comedy? Drama? Nothing leaks from those iron-clad sets. I'll keep you updated.

A Few Things...

2006-11-01T14:57:00.000-05:00

-Anyone who reads my blog knows how much I love Howard Stern. Well, if you wanna know why and your cable company provides OnDemand service you can check out a $.01 preview Nov.2,3,and 4th! In Toronto Rogers is carrying the preview on channel 100. Call your local cable company for details of this way cool offer. I've been listening to the show and they've promised to prepare a special preview reel. I know what I'm doing this weekend!

-Those chicks from the View need to go away. Does anyone find them relevant anymore? I read snippets in the entertainment news about what goes on and I just don't get it. I can only imagine the intellect of housewife that watches that show. Her poor husband comes home from work and is faced with a wife who's been listening to that crap all day. I bet that Elizabeth Hollaback (sic) is probably responsible for a few cheating husbands on her own. Loudmouth harpy.

-Borat starts friday and I'm reeaally looking forward to it. Who else is gonna see it?

2006-10-30T22:33:00.000-05:00

My fave new show!

2006-10-30T22:10:00.000-05:00

If you aren't watching Heroes, what the fuck is wrong with you?! It's the best thing on tv right now!
If you are; what happened to Niki? She can't be dead, so what did D.L. do to her?! His hand disappeared into her stomach! Creepy....... And little Micah saw it all! And D/L has a power too, no? So does that mean little Micah has some latent power? The narrator keeps talking about evolution, so it seems like he might.
And is Isaac the one referred to on the phone to Horned Rim Glasses as "the Peacock"? Why?
And I love how Niki finally got to talk to her Doppelganger. It revealed a lot that I JUST managed to figure out.
The thing I like about this show is how it moves forward at a decent clip, and doesn't try to conjure suspense by being SLOOOOW. It's a return to the good ol' cliffhangers of Dallas and Dynasty, with better writing and pacing. Oh, and acting!
And apologies to the actress, but if I was straight I'd totally fuck Hayden Panettiere/Claire the cheerleader. (jeez, for the record she's 17. Is that theoretically wrong?)

Save the cheerleader, save the world.

Train Goes

2006-10-23T02:48:00.000-04:00

I don't know it's destination.

A lyric.

I know it's only October but I'm wondering about Christmas. It's because the fucking advertising has started already! Every year it's earlier. Anyway, I've spent the last few years alone on Christmas day because it felt liberating. There was something about breaking the rules and walking on the empty beach that felt good. Damn, I walked around downtown Toronto on Christmas day and it was empty! EMPTY! It was a pretty cool feeling! But last year I got a bit lonely and I questioned my choice to be alone. I have options. It isn't like I have nowhere to go. It feels like I don't sometimes but it isn't the case. It's like I seperate myself on purpose. Like I'm trying to prove something to myself. "I don't need anyone!" As if I need to shout that from the fucking rooftops! And in a way isn't that a cry for attention? Problem is, after 4 years noone is hearing it anymore. John likes to spend Christmas alone. Big deal. Pass the stuffing.

I have options this year. I know what I want to do, and I know what I feel I should do, but I don't know what I'll do. I just wanna have a good Christmas, cos it's been a few years. I just wanna have a good day. One day of the year when I don't worry about shit. One day when my neurotic brain doesn't pain me.

Ahh, I feel better now, thanks.
Had to get that off my chest.

Back to default now...

2006-10-15T23:27:00.000-04:00

My Little Eye -A Review

2006-10-15T22:50:00.000-04:00

Five hot young people answer an ad and agree to live in a house in the middle of nowhere for six months while their every move is filmed. If they follow the rules and make it to the end they get a million dollars each. If even ONE of them leaves before the term is up they all lose. Think Big Brother-ish.
Thats the premise.
I liked the fact that they get to it quickly. As quickly as I was able to explain it is how quickly the movie got going.

This scary movie was made in 2002, and I can't say I ever heard of it. It rates an impressive (for a horror flick) rating of 50% on Rottentomatoes.com, but that's based on 14 reviews, with no Cream Of The Crop nods. Hmm. Fair enough. I gave it a chance.

The creepiness factor is pretty high, with lots of night-vision shots and random power failures and such. Director Marc Evans (some previous credits, but none I recognize) effectively amps up the suspense to the point where I HAD to keep watching, but ultimately fails to give me any real frights beyond the superficial gasp at some benign "Oh, it's you" moments.
Not to say it isn't a good fright flick; it is. It'll do the job if you're jonesing and Blockbuster is all out of Saw or Haute Tension, but I have to say that throughout the final act I was correctly predicting all the 'twists' without at least being impressed by how they were executed. I mean, sometimes you know how it's gonna end but at least you can be surprised by the inventiveness with which they pull it off. Not this time.
Oh well. I only paid 3.99$ for it on digital cable, as opposed to the poor suckers who spent 12$ at the theatre (if there were any!).

This is one of those movies that hopefully serves as a lesson to other horror-meisters; use what they did right and avoid the many mistakes.

Two things were good about My Little Eye; Kris Lemche (eXistenZ, Ginger Snaps), and Laura Regan (Unbreakable, Hollowman 2). They play Rex and Emma, two of the five hotties in the house. Tho the material wasn't great their performances were pretty damn good, considering they were surrounded by three other dull actors and a well-intentioned but ultimately over-matched director. I'm going on gut instinct here, cos when I think of the movie nothing stirs my memory except those two. Bad sign for the flick, but good read for the actors. Hey, it's all about who knows you!

Anyway, if you're ambivalent after reading this and you're curious enough to see it, let me know what you think. Like I said, it isn't horrible, but I hesitate to recommend it cos I just don't think it's anything special. Sure, it's different, but not special.
And I only want you lot to be exposed to the special things in life!

laters

Marie Antoinette

2006-10-15T02:34:00.000-04:00

REMINDER***

In case y'all haven't heard, Sophia Coppolla's new film comes out this Friday (20th) and I suggest you see it. Why?! Uhm, D'UH!! Did you see the Virgin Suicides?!?! Or Lost In Translation?!?! Need I say more?!

Sophia Coppolla is the next great hope for film in North America. I'm hitching my wagon to her star (?) cos I think she's one of the few directors to come along with an actual point of view to impart through her films.

See Marie Antoinette. I'm confident you won't be disappointed.
Needless to say if you don't you'll be able to read a review here next Saturday. Oh I'll be there opening night if it kills me.
And despite my 12 months of anticipation I'll be honest in my appraisal. I don't like bad movies, so I'll tell you if I don't like it.
But see it and tell me what you think.

Lets compare notes!

After the Movie

2006-10-15T00:48:00.000-04:00

I was getting moody on the way to the flicks. It doesn't look good on me but at least I'm beginning to recognize it when it's happening. I think I managed to talk myself out of it. By the time the credits were rolling I was once again my sociable, verbose self.
Two went out for chinese, one went home, and I went to Church.
Church Street, to be exact. Woody's. Where else?
I haven't been among the guys since Pride day so I wanted to have a beer or two in the company of gentlemen.
The place was not as busy as usual but the bar stools were all taken except one at Frances' pour so I pulled up a stool, ordered a beer and stared off into space like the spaz I am. The guy on the stool next to me was cute and knew Frances so I introduced myself. We talked about writing and stuff for awhile. He's also an aspiring writer freshly graduated from uni and not working professionally yet. I'm guessing 20, 21...
When I got up to say goodnight he stood up and hugged me.
He called me at work today and asked if I like coffee.
"Not really," I said, "but sometimes I drink decaf."
"Oh..., and, do you sometimes like to meet with people in public places, like maybe a coffee house, to chat?" He seemed nervous but like he was trying not to be, so I played a little.
"No," I said. "I don't like to be around people."
"Oh."
"Tho sometimes I'll go out in public." I was smiling when I said this.
"OH! Well,... umm,"
I interrupted him. "Are you asking me out on a date?"
"Well, I was trying to make it less awkward but you aren't helping. But yeah, I guess. What's your schedule like?"
I checked and we made a date for next Tuesday night. We're gonna meet for coffee.
He told me I look like Kyle McLaughlin. I haven't heard that in two years. It caught my attention cos I've been feeling ugly lately. So I flirted back.
Now we're having coffee. On Tuesday. So far.
But A.P. made a good point today. He said it doesn't always have to be about a life-long relationship. Just go out and have fun he says, so I'm gonna try it. I think.

I'm afraid I'm gonna become a bitter loner. Yeah, become.
I should have coffee with this guy. It couldn't hurt.

Right?

2006-10-14T01:18:00.000-04:00