DVD Review - Artie Lange's Beer League

I wanted to see this comedy in September when it was released, but I would've had to live near one of the 3 screens in Jersey it played at for that to have been possible. Seriously, this movie didn't open wide. It opened so thin only an industrial meatcutter could've produced something thinner. It opened so thin Nicole Richie saw it just for the diet tips. It opened so thin it fell into a bulimic coma, hence the reason nobody saw it. Thats not true; the respected film critic Richard Roeper saw it and he gave it one of it's few favourable reviews. He said: and I'm paraphrasing, "It sucked, but it was better than Failure to Launch", which is critic speak for 'Ishtar sucked, but it's better than Gigli".
Okay, so I'm being a little harsh, but only because I know that Artie Lange is a supremely gifted comedian and could've come up with something better than this. Was it his first film role? No. He was in Dirty Work and Old School, but in those movies he played a character, written by someone else. And he was funny. In Beer League he plays himself! He was kinda funny, but he wrote the damn part and even produced the thing so you'd think he woulda stepped up to the plate! (pun intended)
Beer League is about a chubby, alcoholic loser named Artie who realises how important his community baseball league team is in just enough time to rally the players and try to beat the asshole jocks threatening to kick them out of the league. Shouldn't be too difficult considering Artie's best friend and team mate is the Karate Kid himself, Ralph Macchio (who plays the perfect best friend and does a helluva job for a washed-up has-been), right? Well, but see Artie also wants to win back the girl of his dreams, Linda, played by the gorgeous Cara Buono, (The Sopranos) bringing some real acting talent to another underused character.
There are some genuine laughs here, and in full disclosure I should come clean about my love for Artie Lange. I'm a HUGE fan of his stand-up and status as Howard Stern's sidekick. The guy gave up a well-paying gig as a longshoreman on the New York City docks to make a go of it in showbiz as a comic, and aside from respecting the hell outta him I also think he did the right thing. The fucker is talented! But I gotta be honest, I didn't love this movie. For most of the first half it felt like the director (Frank Sebastiano, co-wrote with Artie) was so confidant in his talent and writing that he only did one take of every scene and moved on. Did one of his kids have a dance recital or something?
As we move deeper... no, let's say further into the story it seems to hit it's stride, but for most people who, unlike me aren't huge Artie fans, that might be more than they can take. I remember when I finally saw Trey Parker and Matt Stones' Baseketball. I love everything those guys do. I get them. I'm on their side. But ten minutes into Baseketball I turned that fucker off and slapped myself for spending seven dollars on it second-hand.
Artie, I didn't slap myself after this one, and I watched it all the way through. (I didn't slap myself cos I didn't buy it, I rented it, but if I don't return it on time I'm gonna have to pay a fine and then I'm gonna be pissed at you!)
And seriously, it wasn't horrible. It really had its moments. Next time - and I hope there's a next time - don't be so keen to set up the gags. If we're into it we'll get it. And edgy humour can be funny if you don't draw a big flashing neon arrow at it.
I love you, Art. Just to prove it I'll probably have to support you by buying one of these fucking DVDs if it means you'll be able to do more in the future.
If you see Beer League you'll see the seeds of a great talent looking for the right support. A better writing partner and a good comedic director and Artie Lange is the next HUGE (pun NOT intended) comedy star. He's got 'It'. He just needs to make 'It' work for him.